Thank you schools for holding the hem line on racy prom dresses

“We had a Russian prostitute problem.”

That’s how a friend of mine recently described the attire of the girls attending bar mitzvahs at her Westchester synagogue.

Despite repeated entreaties to the clergy, no one wanted to tell the parents that their daughters were dressed too provocatively.

I was reminded of this complaint when reading about the latest round of conflicts over prom dresses. Parents in Shelton, Conn., are up in arms over what they say is a newly revised dress code for prom this weekend. Administrators have announced a ban on dresses showing too much skin.

According to the memo, “Two piece outfits, in which the midriff is exposed, are not appropriate [as well as] one piece dresses, in which there is no back or with side cuts-outs are not appropriate.”

Students who show up in attire that does not conform will be kicked out and their money will not be refunded.

As one student dramatically told ABC News, “Tears welled up into my eyes and it was pure frustration and anger.” Her dress cost $350 and her mother paid another $50 in alterations. “We can’t get another dress because not everybody can afford two prom dresses.”

Boo-hoo. She just spent $400 on a prom dress and now she’s crying poverty? It’s been a long time since I went to prom, but I’m sure even taking account of inflation my mother never got into that range.

Come to think of it, I’d be hard pressed to think of the last time I spent that much on a grown-up dress. My wedding perhaps?

The school says that parents signed a contract agreeing to these dress code rules but the parents say the school was not specific about what was and wasn’t appropriate. And that’s the problem.

Apparently a school has to say that dresses in which a girl’s midriff is exposed are too revealing because parents don’t have the judgment to figure it out on their own anymore.

All over this country, school districts are forced to state the most obvious things about their prom dress codes.

Take Frisco, Texas, an affluent suburb of Dallas. Its prom dress code instructions explain: “Bra-top type dresses are not acceptable. No see-through tops or bra-tops. All dresses must cover the midriff region.” It also restricts “mesh” and “sheer” fabric.

Parents in Marion, Pa., receive a multi-page PDF with illustrations explaining things like “Strapless dresses must fit securely” and “no excessive cleavage.”

There are always going to be disagreements between adults and children about what is acceptable.

An acquaintance in Washington emailed me the story of prom-dress shopping with her 18-year-daughter. She tried on a floor length dress (with no cut-outs but a little too much cleavage).

“Our faces said it all: She saw panic, dismay and anxiety in mine; I saw hope, joy and recognition of her beauty in hers.”

Photo: Shutterstock

When mom said no, the girl pulled up Facebook pics of others in comparable dresses. (That’s where we’re supposed to trot out the line about jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge!)

Finally the girl hiked up the straps, and said maybe we could get it altered. “My face lit up, wondering if we could turn it into a nun’s habit.”

In the end, the two compromised, but she didn’t go to the prom looking like she had stolen Halle Berry’s outfit.

I’m happy that schools are backing these parents up. Perhaps it seems as if principals are being too intrusive. But having schools set rules makes it easier for moms and dads to hold the line.

Of course, as most parents and administrators know, keeping up appearances at the prom is only half the battle. Or maybe a quarter of it.

The after-party, the hotel rooms — none of it would happen without the sanction of adults.

In “Girl Land,” Caitlin Flanagan writes about the “Pimps and Hos” themed after party at a prestigious prep school near where she lives in Southern California.

The girls shop at places like Trashy Lingerie and “what they end up choosing is a predictable mix of pussycat-doll and girl-next-door ensembles — lacy bra and panty sets, fishnet stockings, high-heeled boots.”

Flanagan writes about the “surprise delight” of whatever men happened to be standing around when this group of girls got on the bus. These after parties are not sanctioned by the school but by the parents.

As one dean of students told Flanagan: “The one thing that amazes all of us, year after year, is the way parents will let them do absolutely anything on prom night.”

Because, you know, if we don’t, the girls might cry.

Share and Enjoy