Swift: Facebook shows there are many (cat)fish in the sea
January 17, 2016 by admin
Filed under Lingerie Events
It’s just nice to know Facebook is so friendly. We are the world, after all. So many people want to get to know each other. Like the lovely young ladies with names like Megan Courtney or Chloe Jennifer who also want to be my friends. I would love to friend them, as I’m concerned that they might catch cold after taking photos of themselves in bustiers or lingerie. Don’t they know it’s winter?
Also, I’m a little worried that Megan and Chloe — as young and impressionable as they are — may not be aware that the particular camera angle they’ve chosen shows a dangerous amount of cleavage. Some scoundrel out there might get the wrong idea, MeganChloeCourtney. Remember: stranger, danger.
Anyway, on the occasion that I have friended one of these delightful young women, I am usually relieved to see that they are just trying to make an honest living by selling me black-market Ray-Ban Sunglasses at outrageously reduced prices. It’s just nice to know you’re concerned about my eyes.
I often want to match up these hard-working young ladies with some of the other eligible bachelors out there on Facebook. This includes Sgt. Mike David and Brigadeer Jeneral (your spelling, not mine) Paul Randal — handsome, square-jawed men whose Facebook profiles show them posing next to Dick Cheney. I’ve had the opportunity to chat with these men, who are intrigued by my beautiful smile and just want to get to know me a little better.
But you, Dave, you seem special. After all, your profile picture so intriguingly shows you standing in front of your Bentley. And that photo of you rescuing that kitten from a path of a steamroller? Truly inspiring. You also look so distinguished in your doctor’s coat. I couldn’t help but notice, however, that the last name on your coat says something like “Sausa.” Hmmm. Maybe “Thongsong” is your stage name.
I’m also impressed by the fact you work for ExxonMobile Corp. I didn’t know ExxonMobile Corp. had its own doctors. Maybe they are needed to resuscitate all the penguins caught in oil spills.
I was extremely excited to see you live in Las Vegas, as I’ve always wanted to meet the “Pawn Stars.” Then I realized it was Las Vegas, Texas. While I’m sure the Lone Star State is a wonderful place to live, I see that Las Vegas, Texas, hasn’t had a building on its site since 1972. That must mean we would live in your Bentley.
Most significantly, I would not wish to give up my maiden name. As one friend kindly pointed out, that means my name would be Tammy Swift-Thongsong. As you can see, this simply wouldn’t do.
What I’m trying to say is that I don’t think this will work. I must regretfully decline your friend request, as tempting as it can be. But never fear. There are plenty of other (cat)fish in the sea.
Just search for “Morgan Isabella.”
Readers can reach columnist Tammy Swift at tswiftsletten@gmail.com
