How to Attend an Orgy

So you want to have group sex. Fair enough! Orgies can be very fun and are not, as popular opinion might suggest, restricted to middle-aged parents from the 70s. Realizing you want to have an orgy is the first step. These are the next ones.

Where to Find an Orgy

If you’re looking for an orgy you have a few options. You can attend a private “play party” (gross name for a fun thing) in someone’s home, head out to a sex club, attend a sex event planned by a company like Behind Closed Doors, or stick around a house party until 4 AM, giving out massages and telling people you “just want to see where the night takes us.” The latter option has about a 98 percent failure rate, but God bless the 2 percent of times it does work—nothing makes you feel more like a high-level sex wizard than a spontaneous act of group sex.

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Each location comes with pros and cons, of course. A private party at a friend’s home is a really nice option, but the setting requires you to have friends who host those kinds of things, and if you’re consulting an internet guide for finding one, my guess is you don’t. Sex clubs, also, really vary in terms of quality of experience; any club without an aggressive “no single males” policy tends to attract skulking lone dudes who cluster around people who are actually fucking. It’s awkward. Unfortunately, the special event sex parties world tends to be “members-only,” which means you need to belong to a crew of people rich enough to spend $200 on tickets to group sex, and participate in a photo-vetting process that typically involves weeding out people who look unattractive according to mainstream beauty standards (a bad or good thing, depending on what you’re looking for, I guess).

The first thing to remember is “don’t wear anything you’re not comfortable getting stained.”

What to Wear

The first thing to remember is not to go overboard. Well, the first thing to remember is “don’t wear anything you’re not comfortable getting stained,” but after that, keeping calm is the first thing. There’s nothing sadder than the person who’s so ready to go “full orgy” they end up in some complicated, sad, Frederick’s Of Hollywood string ensemble. Lingerie is completely fine, but don’t wear anything you wouldn’t wear on a sexy night in your own home. The only really important factors are ease of removal and ability to relocate once discarded. Ask yourself, “Am I going to lose this? Is that okay with me? Do I have something I can wear home if this disappears?” Then settle on a cute, vaguely slutty dress that can be either taken off or pushed up/down as required. Makeup-wise, I have only one tip: Avoid a long-lasting lipstick, because the makeup will come off in a very weird way. A tint is safer. Add some waterproof mascara (duh) and you’re good to go.

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As with any gathering, the dress code will differ depending on where the event takes place and who hosts the gig. Most sex clubs, for instance, maintain a lockers area for your clothes and will rent you a towel to wander around in, while pay-to-play sex parties tend to have a suits and cocktail dresses vibe. On the whole, don’t worry too much about your clothes: You’re hoping to end up naked anyway, right? [NB: Pubic hair styling, as always, is up to you, and runs the gamut at these things. Feel no pressure to book a Brazilian just because you are going to a Sexy Sex event. Real life is not porn.]

Who to Bring

You have a few options when choosing a date to an evening of multi-participant sexual activities. The first and most obvious choice is a boyfriend or girlfriend. Sex clubs and play parties generally attract couples looking to ~expand their horizons~, and attending with a partner is a great way to dip your toe into an unfamiliar and intimidating environment. Just make sure to talk about your respective boundaries beforehand. You read it here first: Interrupting a sex party to fight with your boyfriend because he snuck in a blow job while you were in the bathroom is not a good look.

Uncoupled people can boldly go alone (people at these things are very friendly and you’ll have plenty of people to talk to), bring a friend (the best ladies’ night of all time?), a fuck buddy, or someone else who you like and trust! Remember: Just because you came with someone doesn’t mean you have to, like… come with someone. The main thing is to bring someone who has the right mindset (fun, open-minded, low-key horny) about the whole thing and who will not act a gross creep. This is especially important if you are bringing a single man who will not be staying with you for the duration of the party—many play parties and sex clubs have strict rules of conduct for dudes for a good reason. If you bring a rando who makes other people at the party feel uncomfortable, you will be rightfully shunned.

If you want to 69 someone in front of their husband while another couple spanks you, ask politely.

OK, Now What

You did it! Now that you’ve found a party, picked an outfit and a date, avoided smear-able makeup, and didn’t eat too much on the Big Day (as a general rule, farting in the sex hot tub is discouraged) (there are probably some parties that ONLY want farting in the hot tub, but I can’t help you find those), it’s time to actually attend an orgy.

First thing’s first: Find out the rules and obey those rules. As mentioned above, many of the rules at sex events pertain to what men can and cannot do. These rules are in place for a reason (women’s safety), and people of all genders should adhere to them. Other important things to keep in mind: Keep your phone in your pocket or purse—no one wants to end up on Redtube—and if the event says no drugs, no drugs. Also, practice safe sex and get consent. A roomful of naked people doesn’t mean some kind of grope-fest free-for-all. If you want to touch someone, ask them. If you want to watch someone, ask them. If you want to 69 someone in front of their husband while another couple spanks you, use your words and ask politely. If someone’s not into something anymore, respect their wishes immediately and end the interaction. Manners separate us from animals after all, and in this setting there’s not much else that does.

Once you arrive, have a drink and mingle. It’s not like people check their coats and immediately put their mouths all over each other. Most parties include a hangout zone where everyone wears clothes (or at least some clothes), drinks, dances, and flirts like in a regular bar. Hang out here and make charged eye contact with a few strangers. After you’re done your first drink, try to talk to one. Remember: This is just a room where everyone is drinking a little bit and hoping to fondle an attractive stranger later, so it’s exactly like every bar you’ve ever been to in your life.

While a few drinks can be helpful to settle nerves and get the flirt juices flowing (gross, sorry), try not to get wasted. People aren’t here to get wasted—they’re here to fuck. If you’re still feeling bashful, try making out to break the ice. Easing into the evening’s physical activities is smart for a number of reasons. Like drinking, you should pace yourself to avoid becoming exhausted, sweaty, and ready to head home before midnight. It also means you’ll have more energy to try out a few different experiences in your night. It’s also totally OK to attend and not fuck anyone—these events are about figuring out what’s fun for you. Maybe you’ll go and realize it’s not your scene, or no one there is really your type, or you’ll find out you’re more into hanging out. That’s all fine!

This sounds like a lot of rules, but most of them are pretty much common sense, and it’s easy to get the hang of orgies because the more seasoned perverts follow these rules without even thinking. And remember, like team sports at summer camp, the number one rule is to HAVE FUN! (The number one rule is actually still don’t touch a woman without asking, but do that and then have fun.)

Like drinking, you should pace yourself to avoid becoming exhausted, sweaty, and ready to head home before midnight.

The Debrief

Whew. OK. You’re in a cab, headed home, and the orgy part of your orgy experiment has ended. How was it? What did you like or not like? What was the best part? What would you do differently next time? Are you interested in doing this kind of thing again? If so, where? Take some time and process this experience, and if you went with a partner, discuss the evening with them. You can either be real serious about it or super horny and just have sex about it again when you get home. You mostly need to feel good about expanding your sexual horizons and trying a new, fun thing. Whether you want to try group sex again or this was your one orgy experience, you should feel glad you came.

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