Greenville Social Media Leader’s Suicide Reverberates Across Country, World

Through the cacophony of the social web – thanks to the mainstreaming of platforms like Facebook and Twitter, which amplify the thoughts, opinions, rants and raves of virtually everyone – Trey Pennington stood out as someone who understood the importance of listening.

It was just one of Trey’s endearing qualities – one that, as a journalist, I try to remind myself of often.

Trey, a Greenville businessman and a true thought leader in social media, was defined by his passion, his desire to help people, and his genuine ability to see – and, sometimes, bring out – the best in others. He was smart and funny and loved his family. He was one of the good guys.

Trey took his own life Sunday morning outside of a Greenville church, the sad end to months of personal struggle. He was battling depression and going through a divorce after 25 years of marriage, according to those who knew him.

“Sure am thankful for online friends who are real friends offline, too. Love you,” Trey posted at 10:21 a.m. Sunday – which shows that even someone with 111,386 friends can feel unbearably alone.

He had just shared more than 70 photos, mostly of family and friends, on Facebook.

Trey was 46. He was an author, an entrepreneur, a father of six, an international speaker, a Bob Jones University alumnus. He co-founded Like Minds, a social media media conference that launched in England and this year has events planned for Milan and Dubai. And he was the mayor of Michelin on Main in downtown Greenville on FourSquare.

I counted Trey as a friend and mentor.

During the past couple of years, I hit some pretty low points. After more than six years at the Herald-Journal in Spartanburg, I was thinking about getting out of journalism and was trying to find a way to join my girlfriend in Northern Virginia at the same time.

Trey went out of his way to be helpful, to encourage me. He even offered to shoot a video interview with me that he would get in front of a digital marketing executive he’d befriended on Twitter.

(I ended up rambling aimlessly for 30 minutes. Trey quietly posted the video, but I think he realized how much of a disaster it was, even if he didn’t have the heart to say it. If nothing else, it illustrates why my forte is print, not broadcast.)

I’ve had little contact with my South Carolina friends since moving to the Washington metro area in May. Trey was on a list of people to reach out to, to reconnect with and generally see how things were going. I hate that I never got around to it.

Trey’s death drew broad reaction from the online community. There’s guilt and remorse. There’s a strong vindication of his selflessness, his intellect and his good-spiritedness. There’s confusion and questions, and dogged determination to ensure his legacy lives on.

A snapshot of what’s being said:

• Today, my little world changed – Kris Colvin, Kansas City
• Heartbroken – Olivier Blanchard, Greenville
• Trey Pennington: Like Minds Loses a Piece of its Heart – Scott Gould, Exeter, England
• If only – Amy Wood, Greenville-Spartanburg
• Thank you, Trey – Mack Collier, Birmingham, Ala.
• Trey’s lesson: Take time for more snow cones with those you care for – John Warner, Greenville

“I could go on and tell you that the world was better with Trey in it, that we needed more of him, not less, that he should have made a great CMO, the perfect marketing professor, a golden mentor for an entire new generation of marketing and business professionals, but so what. All I know is that he was my friend, and now he’s gone. Gone. Forever,” Blanchard wrote.

I could count on both hands the number of times Trey and I actually saw each other in person. Despite that, because of our conversations on Twitter, most of them private, I felt like I knew him better than some members of my family.

News organizations struggle with how to cover suicides. Typically, only suicides of public figures or those committed in public places even get consideration. The thinking is that way – and this is going to sound cold, maybe even cruel – but the thinking is that we don’t reward people who go down that path seeking attention. The last thing we want to do is inspire copycat suicides.

The counterargument is that by burying our heads in the sand, we don’t inform people of just how big of a problem this is.

But this was personal. And not just for me. Trey touched thousands of people in life. It’s only natural that his death would ripple across the globe.

“Trey was an inspirational man and his loss is tragic. We are all stunned and very upset. Trey was born in (Mobile, Ala.), in the southern USA, and he had that typical warmth that’s always associated with the Deep South,” Glenn Le Santo told the Lincolnite.

“He was smart, generous and very sensitive. His demise followed a period of depression – but one we thought he had come through. We feel robbed, both of a friend and of a great colleague.”

Trey was scheduled to speak at a social media conference in Lincoln, England, later this week. He tweeted about it Saturday.

In late 2009, I started an occasional series of political chats on Twitter. It was mostly an experiment, one that Trey immediately offered to help with. In fact, his enthusiasm helped push me to actually go through with it.

Trey was the second guinea pig. We were talking about politicians – Trey hated when an elected official didn’t respond to someone on Twitter; he likened it to ignoring a person’s outstretched hand when meeting them face-to-face – anyway, we were talking about politicians, but many of Trey’s points were broad enough to be applied across the spectrum.

A snippet, with apologies for the brevity (Remember, this conversation happened 140 characters at a time):

“At the heart, we probably all need to be a ‘better class of people.’ That starts with a recognition of basic…

“Human factor #1: Everyone wants to be heard.

“Human factor #2: Everyone wants to be understood.

“Human factor #3: Everyone wants to know his/her life counts.”

And, later:

“Good first step is a commitment for humble listening and valuing of others.”

Your life counted, Trey. Maybe more than you realized. Thanks for taking the time to listen and understand. I wish we could’ve all done the same for you.

~

A memorial service for Trey Pennington is set for 11 a.m. Tuesday at Second Presbyterian Church in Greenville. Burial will be Thursday in Pensacola, Fla.

A candlelight memorial is planned for 7:30 to 9 p.m. Wednesday at Liberty Bridge/Falls Park in Greenville. Trey often wrote about how much he loved that bridge.

Trey’s Light: A walk to benefit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention will be held Oct. 9 at Cleveland Park in Spartanburg.

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