Game of Thrones Episode 705 Recap: To Catch a Zombie

Were you hoping for more dragon mayhem? Although we did get some fire-breathing in “Eastwatch”—not to mention a couple of bashed-in skulls courtesy of a beloved, long-lost character—the latest episode of Game of Thrones was a relatively quiet one by recent standards. No towns were burned to the ground, Arya didn’t even take out her sword, and all the White Walkers did was, well, walk.

Still, despite the lack of major violence, the writers aren’t wasting much time at this point in the series. Here’s all the important stuff that happened:

Dany Executes Some More People

Yes, Sam Tarly’s dad was a major dick, but his brother was kind of hot. Was it really necessary for Danaerys to kill both of them just because they wouldn’t accept her as their one true queen right off the bat?

Well, Dany’s latest thing is making sure everyone knows she’s not messing around, so execute them she does—which presumably makes good old Samwell the new head of House Tarly. (After all, those super-serious Night’s Watch vows are awfully loosey goosey these days, right?)

Some viewers are taking this scene as a sign that Danaerys is on her way to going full evil, but really, it just seems like she’s being her usual impetuous self. Almost every leader we’ve seen on Game of Thrones has a habit of killing their subjects for minor infractions when it suits them, and it’s rarely a signal that they’ve gone off the deep end.

Whether it’s a good political move is another story. As Sansa—who is well-established at this point as the only person in Westeros with any real sense—tells Arya later in this episode: “I’m sure cutting off heads is very satisfying, but that’s not the way you get people to work together.” In other words, there’s no Drogon in “team.” Take a note, Dany.

Gendry Paddles Back Into Our Hearts

Game of Thrones viewers fall into three basic categories: those who have been obsessing over Gendry’s whereabouts ever since he paddled off into the sunset several seasons ago, those who have forgotten he ever existed in the first place, and those who still haven’t figured out that Gendry and Podrick Payne are two separate characters. (Pro tip: Gendry’s the one who’s the illegitimate son of Robert Baratheon. Podrick’s the one with the really big dick.)

If you’re in the camp of people who remember Gendry with fondness, you must have been delighted last night as soon as you saw Ser Davos wander into the blacksmith’s shop in Fleabottom. Because everyone knows that blacksmith’s shops are where Gendry hangs out. And ta-da! Just like that, yet another long-lost character makes their return.

But while this episode proved that Gendry is pretty good at wielding a giant hammer, it’s unclear yet whether he’s been brought back to do anything interesting or whether he, like Benjen Stark before him, is just a loose end to be tied up. Whatever, it’s still good to have him back.

Cersei is Really Glowing These Days

Yes, Queen Cersei has announced that she’s come down with a case of the pregs. On a normal television show, this would either mean she’s lying or that she’s destined to have a miscarriage in a few episodes after an uncomfortably bumpy carriage ride. But this is Game of Thrones so I guess it’s possible she’ll give birth. God knows what she’s going to do with a baby, but at least her maternity wardrobe is sure to be fabulous.

Gilly Learns the Truth (But No One Cares)

What is possibly the biggest development in this week’s episode is one that goes least remarked upon by any of the characters: while browsing through one of Sam’s dusty old books, Gilly comes across the neat factoid that Rhaegar Targaryen’s union with Lyanna Stark was legal. That would make Jon, not Dany, next in line for the throne, at least for those who still consider the Targaryens to be Westeros’s rightful rulers.

Not that anyone cares. No one ever listens to Gilly. Then again, she and Sam have packed up their portmanteau and are currently trotting away from Oldtown—and it looks like they’re taking their books with them. So this surely isn’t the last we’ve heard of this tidbit.

Drogon (the Dragon) Likes Jon

It’s because he puts a dab of essential oil behind his ears before he goes to bed every night, right?

Arya Gets Bamboozled

Littlefinger is a tiresome character. I know, I know; he seems fun because he was on The Wire and because he’s got an enchanting way with a sidelong glance, but think about all of his dumb scheming, and how inconsistent and over-complicated it always seems, and how little it seems to really accomplish anything except the advancement of the plot in whatever direction the writers want it advanced this week. If someone needs to be killed off or moved around on the board for no particular reason, you can be sure it’s Littlefinger (or Varys, who’s kind of the same character) who will be the one to get things in motion. Which is why I was really hoping that that this would be the week that Arya decided to assassinate him.

Unfortunately, Littlefinger is still up to his old pointless tricks, and Arya—who has plenty of experience with stabbing, but little with scheming—is more than susceptible to them. Our little killer seems to be a proxy for certain audience members in the sense that she still hasn’t gotten over that one time Sansa was a shallow bitch six seasons ago, and so when she sneaks into Littlefinger’s room and finds an old note from Sansa carefully planted under his mattress, she’s ready to go off on her sister half-cocked.

(For those who have trouble reading calligraphy, the note Arya finds is the one that Sansa was forced to write way back when, in which she urged her remaining family members to drop the little matter of their dead father and submit to Joffrey’s rule.)

Jon Has a Plan

The plan is to go to Eastwatch and travel beyond the wall to where the Night’s King is assembling his army. Once there, he and his compatriots will pluck up a single zombie and put it in a box, and then take it back to King’s Landing and show it to Cersei so she’ll know that the zombies are real and decide to help out. (Because Cersei is always reasonable when it comes to these things.)

Did anyone check with Sansa before they decided this seemed like good idea?

Oh, never mind: at least Jon has assembled a ragtag team of all-star misfits with which to do his zombie hunting. Tormund’s the smart one, Sandor’s the sweet one, Gendry’s the slutty one, and. . . oh, wait, that last scene wasn’t a Sex and the City promo?

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