Ben is anything but your run-of-the-mill Midwestern teen, although that’s what ABC Family wants you to believe about the star of its new non-scripted series Becoming Us. He may not be in the same league as the Juno-esque crowd we often seen on shows with overwrought teenagers as the protagonists. Ben’s also not as monosyllabic as most teen boys, and from the outset, he comes off as quite artistic, sensitive and intuitive.
Ben lives in Evanston, Illinois, a suburb just outside of Chicago. He brags about how close he is to his family, something else that sets him apart from many teens. Am I the only one who remembers the angst of The Breakfast Club?
Of course, no kid can be this well-adjusted, so there’s got to be a
twist, and in Ben’s case, it’s the other woman that came between his
parents, Carly. But Carly isn’t some home-wrecking girlfriend; she’s
Ben’s dad, formerly known as Charlie. But more on that later.
Ben’s
an aspiring photographer, and one of his favorite subjects is his
girlfriend, Danielle. Danielle, a senior, and Ben, a junior, both abhor
high school. Ben’s particular “situation” is making the day-to-day
torture of high school that much tougher. Danielle can relate because
her dad is also transgender. (Note: ‘transgendered’ is considered a derogatory
term.)
A year ago, Ben got hit with a double whammy. First, his
parents told him they were getting a divorce, and then they broke the
news that his dad was choosing to live as a woman. This shouldn’t have
come as a total shock because Ben reveals that he had noticed, at some
point before the big reveal, that his dad had boobs. I’d say that’s a
pretty telling hint.
Enter Carly. Carly spent 16
years trying to play the role of the doting patriarch and loving
husband, but not being true to who she was led to some self-destructive
behavior, namely drinking heavily. It got to a point where, in Carly’s
words, “It was either I go this road or I end up buried.”
In the Becoming Us premiere, “#WelcomeToMyWorld,” Carly,
Ben and Danielle go out for pizza, and Danielle reveals to Carly that her
dad, Daniel, went bra shopping. Carly is empathetic that it might not be
the easiest thing in the world for a girl to envision her dad going so he can find some flattering undergarments.
Even though Daniel
has been transitioning since Danielle was 7, he still considers
himself a man. Daniel just likes to wear makeup sometimes and has boobs.
Danielle describes her dad as “stuck in the middle.”
Carly
offers to go with Danielle and her dad to lend a helping hand. Danielle
is all for the two meeting because even though her dad’s been
transitioning longer, he’s not fully comfortable being in public dressed
as a woman. She’s hoping some of Carly’s self-confidence might rub off.
Sutton
Ben’s
mom, Suzy, has a daughter, Sutton, from a previous relationship.
Sutton, who lives in NYC with her fiance, Kevin, comes to town to start
planning her wedding. There’s a weird vibe when Sutton talks about
Carly. She makes it clear that Carly is her step-father and that she
never called him dad. It feels like they may not have been that close.
Whatever, if anything, is wrong between them has nothing to do with
Carly’s decision to live as a woman. Sutton makes it clear that she
supports Carly in that capacity. Like her mother, I think Sutton is
primarily concerned with how all of this is affecting Ben.
As if
weddings weren’t complicated enough, Sutton has to figure out how Carly
will fit into the scheme of things. Suzy puts her foot down that Carly
will not walk Sutton down the aisle. Sutton feels a bit stuck in the
middle, but she wants this monumental occasion to be first and foremost
about herself and Kevin, and then about her mom and brother. In other
words, she doesn’t want Carly stealing her thunder.
Suzy
Carly
drops by Suzy’s apartment, and the two have obviously found a way to be
amicable. There’s some guilt on Carly’s part because she admits she
started the transition process without discussing it with Suzy first.
There was definitely a lack of transparency, not that Suzy was
completely clueless to the fact that something was up. The couple went
to therapy because Charlie was dabbling in cross dressing — and hats off
to Suzy, she was willing to go along with that. But once the hormones
kicked in and the boobs came into play, all bets were pretty much off.
Carly completely owns up to the fact that she wasn’t the best husband.
Suzy
had some anger but not because Carly was transgender. It was because
she found herself in a situation, again, where she couldn’t rely on a
man. I’m guessing things did not end well with Sutton’s dad because even
Sutton says that Suzy served as both her mother and father.
Whatever
Suzy’s feeling are about Carly regarding their marriage, she is pushing
them aside so they can both be emotionally available for Ben. Their
biggest concern, currently, is Ben’s poor performance at school, and
Suzy and Carly agree that it’s time to sit down with their son and discuss
his education.
It’s not until Carly starts discussing her hair
that we are reminded this is supposed to be kind of weird. It turns out Carly stole Suzy’s hairdresser. It’s those little awkward moments that
make you appreciate how hard Suzy has to be working to keep it together,
knowing your marriage is water cooler fodder at the beauty salon.
Ben
has a tight-knit group of incredibly hip and tolerant friends: Ayton; his girlfriend, Brook; and Brook’s brother, Lathan. They all talk very
openly about Carly, and there’s a natural curiosity that I’m sure viewers
can relate to. Lathan asks if Carly is romantically interested in men
or women, and Ben reveals that Carly likes women.
My Two Moms?
Carly
and Suzy have dinner with Ben and discuss his overall poor academic
performance. Suzy is the more laid-back of the two, and she is flirting
with the idea of letting Ben attend school online, but Carly
disagrees. She believes that navigating all the social pressures is key
to learning how to cope with different personality types that you’ll
encounter as an adult.
Daniel
At Daniel’s (“Dan”) house, Danielle broaches the subject of bra shopping with Carly with her
dad. He’s very open to the idea. Whereas Carly is very comfortable in
her skin, Dan is struggling. He says he wouldn’t wish struggling with
gender conflict on anyone.
Daniel is really affected by the
reactions he gets leaving the house dressed as a woman, a fact that
really angers his daughter. Danielle doesn’t expect universal
acceptance, but she does think people should be tolerant enough to keep
their mouths shut. Danielle reveals that people have called her father a
freak, and she tears up at the recollection. By including Daniel’s
journey, we see how different this transition can be for everyone.
Bra Shopping
Danielle
convinces Ben to come along on the shopping excursion, and he’s less
than thrilled. Still, he shows more maturity than a lot of teenage boys
would in a lingerie store, preferring to hang out on the couch with his
girlfriend while his mom/dad — he alternately refers to Carly as
both — helps Daniel try on bras and corsets.
Get used to it, people. The
quicker we shed our traditional notions of what constitutes masculine
and feminine, the better off we’ll all be. It’s a changing world, and
you can dig your heels in and cling to antiquated ideas or accept that
gender can be a fluid thing.
A Big Decision
Ben is still
adjusting to Carly, and he maybe still hasn’t quite reconciled that
Carly is still his dad. This really comes across when Carly summons her
son to her apartment for a talk. After a few years of transitioning and
trying to be as considerate of others as she could be, Carly is ready to
take the next step and have surgery to make his boy parts, girl parts.
Her words.
Ben feels like this will mean his dad is officially
gone. He says, “The person that made me will not have the thing that made me.”
Carly responds, “Still me. Still love ya.”
Ben admits to the
camera that somewhere in the back of his mind, he still held out hope
that things would go back to normal. Now there is no going back.
Ben
retreats from everyone at this point, but it’s Ayton to the rescue.
Sometimes, you just need to hang with your bestie. Ayton takes Ben to the
top of a hotel in downtown Chicago and urges him to just scream. Things
just got a whole lot more angsty.
Becoming Us uses Ben’s
photography to reinforce his viewpoint. He also expresses himself
through social media, and there’s an interesting dichotomy in how
disconnected Ben feels about some of the things he’s dealing with and
how he uses modern technology to express his feelings when he’s unable
to do so verbally. Sometimes, we don’t seem to be living our lives unless
we’re tweeting or posting an Instagram picture about it, or filming a
reality TV show.
The most infamous cammer in the world right now is also the one most dedicated to the industry’s longevity.
Kendra Sunderland, a.k.a. “Library Girl” (below), is the 19-year-old Oregonian arrested for masturbating while others studied next to her at Oregon State University. She already knows how she would like her entire career to end.
“I plan on camming until I die,” she says. “Then my funeral is going to be at a cam show.”
Sunderland, like thousands of other fresh-faced masturbators in this burgeoning industry, makes hundreds of dollars almost every day by stripping and pleasuring herself in front of a computer webcam while thousands of strangers watch online and tip her in order to encourage certain lascivious acts. Hosting sites split the tip money, which can range from cents to thousands of dollars.
Camming is quickly becoming a a lucrative and relatively stable job option in modern pornography and voyerism.
The entire cam girl industry is currently valued at more than $1 billion, says Sean Phillips, vice president of marketing for sexyjobs.com, which caters to more than 80,000 adult job seekers daily. Whereas five years ago, cam girl jobs represented about 5% of the ads on its site, today he says they represent 50% of the nearly 2,500 daily job offers advertised online.
The industry is more profitable than porn.
Another thing that differentiates camming from mainstream adult entertainment: People aren’t only interested in watching young women.
“Historically, the adult video industry tended to concentrate on the 18-29 age bracket, but the more intimate nature of camming supports a much wider range of ages, as well as fetishes and other interests,” he says. “A webcam performer only needs to appeal a very small segment of the consumer market and it is still possible to be very successful within that market.”
Currently, he says, there are 33 applicants on his site who are 60 or older and seeking webcam jobs, including one 88-year-old who wants to be employed in porn along with her 27-year-old lover.
There’s even a convention for performers, CamCon, in Miami, to bring eager cammers of all ages together to exchange tips and tricks. It ends Sunday, June 7.
“The cam industry is growing because more and more people are finding out anyone can do it. You can do it at whatever comfort level you want, and you will still build fans,” says Stacey Havoc, a representative of CamCon. “It doesn’t matter what you look like or how old you are. There is someone for everyone.”
In this year’s documentary Cam Girlz, 40 women of varying ages, ethnicities and sexual orientations cannot find enough good things to say about the profession’s ability to empower, employ and, obviously, entertain.
The documentary’s oldest star, Khyla, is in her sixties. She began camming after the love of her life died unexpectedly, leaving her alone and financially hurting.
“I was feeling a loss, and it really turned my life around,” she says in the movie. “There’s a unique little category of guys that are looking for older women. Not only guys my age or older than me but also really young guys, and they’re really into it.”
The incredibly popular camming site LiveJasmin.com was launched in 2001, and the number of active models in the last month runs the gamut, age-wise. There are about 3,000 models who are 18-20 years old; about 13,000 models who are 21-29 years old; and about 5,000 models 30 and up.
The oldest performer? She’s 79.
Sean Dunne, director of Cam Girlz, says that one of the reasons performers consider it a stable career path today is because it’s such a profound sea change in the way adult entertainment is delivered.
“Camming represents a paradigm shift in adult entertainment, away from a system that upheld an industry and towards a more sustainable model that focuses on the performer,” he says. “It’s the democratization of pornography.”
“As camming becomes more transparent and publicly accepted, we think more people will choose it as a long-term activity, even if only on a part-time basis,” says LiveJasmin’s head of PR Melanie Delannoy. “Since technology has greatly advanced, people spend more time online, so why not earn money while having fun at the same time? The protection of one’s privacy is also developing, which is a plus for those who don’t want to go public.”
And like you would expect, profit motive is in fact what is making the industry so desirable to not just college seniors — but actual seniors as well.
“Models have the liberty to come online whenever they wish,” Delannoy says. “Some of them who are online regularly may earn well over $50,000 within a two-week period.”
Ross A. Love, owner of Best Kept Studio Agency, which has more than 2,000 models on more than 30 different cam sites, won’t reveal what his models are making, but he says on myfreecams.com the top 250 are making on average more than $100,000 a year.
“These models are the exception,” he cautions. “Eighty percent of our models make on average $300 [every 15 days].”
However, as long as a cam girl markets herself heavily on social media, Love sees potential for maintaining revenue for a long time.
Of course, the closest thing to “cam girl veteran” in the still-emerging industry might be someone as young as 26-year-old Ophelia Marcus, a.k.a. “LittleRedBunny,” who has been in the business for six years.
“I play with my flexibility while I have 20 conversations at the same time,” says the New Yorker, who incorporates ballet and yoga into her old-fashioned tease show. “My traffic can go up to 4,000 people at the same time.”
Like many in the industry, no one in her real life knows what she does for a living. “I am probably one of the first ones that actually started to do it as a full-time job. I never thought I would last six years. I think you can still be camming at any age.”
Several of her regulars tell her they have stopped watching TV and prefer to watch her instead. They have private jokes, love her bubbly personality and consider her a real friend. Still, she says her actual intimate interactions IRL are private and off-limits.
“Online nobody can touch, smell and taste me. So to me, there’s still something sacred,” she says. “I don’t talk about what I do with anybody. I live kind of in a bubble.”
She says she has never refused a customer, works eight to 12 hours a day, seven days a week, with her longest day clocking in at 19 hours, and clients pay her $3.99 to $4.99 a minute.
“Every night is a surprise,” she says. “I get my pleasure from [a client’s] requests, and by the pleasure I get, it’s feeding his pleasure, and it’s feeding my pleasure. So it keeps things exciting and unpredictable, growing over time.”
Aspiring cam girl lifer Sunderland (Library Girl) is different than many in the industry because she’s famous. Many in the mainstream know of her career — except for her eight-year-old brother.
Even before her scandal at the university library in Oregon, her parents found out her secret when she created a Twitter account for camming, entered in her real phone number and then an auto-message was sent to people in her contact list. One of those friends was close to her parents.
So far, outside of getting kicked out of school, she sees nothing but up-sides. Office space costs are minimal, and she turned her old roommate’s room into her cam show, complete with a blowup mattress, pictures of her in magazines on the wall, toys on display, bins filled with costumes and lingerie, and a laundry basket to prop up her computer.
Camming takes up about four to five hours a day, and she turns down requests frequently. “I have turned down a couple customers before because I didn’t want to do what they wanted me to do, like lick my dirty shoe or fart.”
She’s also practical about what she physically needs to do (or pretend to do) in order to get the job done.
“I try not to fake it but after my fourth or fifth private show it gets a lot harder to orgasm,” she reveals.
As for job-related stress, the only example she gives is when she tried to cam from her hotel room and the Wi-Fi sucked. “I was in the middle of a show and that was stressful,” she says.
Like prostitution or stripping (neither of which she does), Sunderland actually does consider camming to be sex work because, she says, “masturbation can be considered a form of sex.”
When she watched the Cam Girlz documentary, she says she felt inspired by the older cammer, Khyla, who is in her sixties.
“I hate when people say, ‘Oh you can’t do this for the rest of your life,’” she says. “With other jobs, you don’t know if you’re going to get fired or not. And I’m not going to regret this when I’m older. It’s a part of who I am, and I really have found my dream job.”
She hopes her growing legion of fans will actually grow old alongside her. Considering many of her customers express more interest in the girlfriend experience than the sexual one, she might just pull it off.
At the very least, the Internet is on her side.
“In this technological age, human beings are starving for authentic connections, and that is the great paradox about camming,” observes Phillips of sexyjobs.com. “Even though it is made possible by technology, it also solves the loneliness that has been created by it.”
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