Why Is There So Much Shade Being Thrown About Breastfeeding?

“There is nothing worse than a mother that is judged for feeding her child in public,” model Nicole Trunfio wrote in a May Instagram post. Though Trunfio wrote this in response to backlash from being featured breastfeeding on a mainstream magazine cover — a major victory in the fight to normalize breastfeeding — the breastfeeding-related judgment she references is still undeniably common.

In fact, 45% of U.S. adults say breastfeeding women are forced to give up their regular lifestyle in order to breastfeed, and that the practice is incongruous with normal social life, according to one National Center for Biotechnology Information report. It’s an experience women anecdotally confirm.

“Women who breastfeed often feel they have to cover and hide while breastfeeding at family functions,” Jennifer Rothchild wrote in a 2014 Pacific Standard article on the topic. Because they face “‘dirty looks’ and clear discomfort by others” when they attempt to breastfeed, several mothers told Rothchild they felt dissuaded from doing so “in any situation that could be considered ‘public.’”

So why is this basic act still considered shameful? Breastfeeding exists at the crux of multiple, persistent gendered double standards. It’s about, well, breasts. The act forces others to recognize that they may be most commonly regarded as sexualized objects, but they also serve a biological function. 

The fact that until recently, Instagram banned photos of breastfeeding mothers, perceiving it as a violation of their nudity policies, reiterates this association between breasts and sex. Breastfeeding, especially public representations of it, makes it clear that images of breasts cannot be rigidly compartmentalized as such.

“The taboo some people feel against breastfeeding is related to people’s difficulty accepting that breasts can both provide sexual pleasure and provide nourishment for an infant,” Sari Locker, sex educator and psychologist at Columbia University, told Mic. “In our over-sexualized culture, women are given the message that their
breasts are only meant to be ogled.” 

Locker said many struggle to understand that “sexuality is often intertwined with nonsexual aspects of life” and that breasts function simultaneously as “a source of pleasure, food and comfort” and are “not just something to be gawked at in lingerie ads.”

Mom-on-mom shade: In addition to viewing women as sexualized objects, we often value women for their motherly duties above other attributes. Mothers are expected to sacrifice their needs, goals and even well-being for their children — and any decisions made for themselves over their children are seen as unforgivably selfish. 

Decisions surrounding breastfeeding play directly into this, which feminist writer Jessica Valenti learned through responses to writing about her decision to formula-feed her daughter.

“Breastfeeding has been the most challenging, and at times the most grueling, thing I have ever done in my life!” one Twitter user wrote, according to Valenti. “But the same way I chose to become a mother, I am choosing to make that sacrifice. Anything less is not an option. Being a mother is all about sacrifice, and if you aren’t willing to make those sacrifices for the health and well-being of your child, then maybe you should think twice about becoming a mother.” 

Intense. This shaming, Valenti notes, is commonly wielded against pro-formula mothers, and involves “the condescending attitude that women who formula-feed are somehow stupid or have been duped, the assumption that anyone who formula-feeds or supports women who do so isn’t educated on the issue and, of course, the shaming inherent in suggesting that formula hurt women (and babies).” 

The majority of medical professionals agree that breastfeeding is ideal: Plenty of studies demonstrate that breastfeeding aids infants’ development by lowering rates of childhood obesity, decreasing the incidence of asthma and even improving brain development. But plenty in the health community also recognize it is not a viable option for many mothers — and should not be a point of shame. 

Although registered nurse, author and president of Baby GooRoo Amy Spangler is a staunch supporter of breastfeeding and has devoted much of her career to promoting it, she also recognizes that “breastfeeding is not something that every
mother will choose to do, and it’s not something that every mother and baby may
be able to do for whatever reason,” she told Mic. “I’m not of that mindset that I would want
formula to go away, because we need formula when we need it.”

Pediatrician Russell Saunders agrees. “There is a world of difference between ‘best’ and ‘the only
choice of right-thinking people,’” the doctor wrote in a 2014 Salon article about the decision to breastfeed. “And too many in the stridently
pro-breastfeeding community don’t seem to recognize that. Formula may
not provide all of the benefits of breastfeeding, but it’s not
strychnine either. For families who either cannot or choose not to
nurse their babies, it is a totally reasonable way of nourishing their
children.”

Breastfeeding should not be wielded as a method of evaluating, or shaming, another woman’s value as a mother. “We need to deliver the message that every woman can do it all, have it all, but none of us can do it all at the same time,” Spangler said. “We really are a community that should be supporting one another. Women have to feel they have the freedom to look at what their circumstances are and then make the decisions about what is best for them. And as a society, we need to support them rather than be critical because it seems less than a decision that another mother would have made.”

Breastfeeding at work: In addition to all the social hand-wringing that comes from nursing, working mothers have a particular set of problems, which are clear with the United States’ (lack of) policies supporting the reality of new mothers. Although President Barack Obama effectively required employers to provide reasonable breaks for breastfeeding employees when he signed the Affordable Care Act in 2010, for example, employers don’t have to compensate employees for these breaks, nor are employers who have less than 50 employees required to provide it at all, according to the National Conference of State Legislatures. Our lack of policies addressing this common experience among female employees “is probably the area where we lag behind horribly among all developed countries,” Spangler said.

Ultimately, this stigma doesn’t just reiterate sexist double standards, but also destructively obscures crucial education about the health benefits of the practice. Research shows that Americans are still relatively uneducated about the actual act of breastfeeding and its benefits; obstetricians rarely provide women with information about breastfeeding and infant formula during prenatal visits, nor do they frequently teach them how to breastfeed, according to one NCBI compilation of research, and only five states have actually made proactive efforts to educate citizens about breastfeeding, according to the NCSL.

Normalizing breastfeeding, therefore, is crucial for our society’s well-being, on medical, economic and social levels. Luckily, we’re making progress: Women are pushing back on social media, in traditional media and even during a session of Argentinian Parliament. Hopefully, their efforts to normalize the practice will spark real change.

“If we value the contributions women make, then we need to identify what
it is that makes them unique and that’s that they become pregnant, they bear
children and they breastfeed those children,” Spangler said. “We need to develop a conscience that says to all of us, ‘Women and children are
important,’ and maybe even beyond that, ‘Women are an integral part of our society,
of our culture, of our workplace.’”

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Little Women: LA Recap: Big Secrets

Well, we survived the premiere episode of Little Women: LA, which revealed a leaner, meaner Tonya Banks coming hard for newbie Jasmine Sorge, who Tonya claims to have some long-standing beef with over a social media faux pas with her ex-boyfriend Trevore. Fellow newbie Brittney “Freakabritt” Guzman also dropped a nuclear bomb on Terra Jole and Tonya last week that rocked their worlds: Elena Gant used to “date” Brittney’s father while married to Saint Preston the Longsuffering, according to Brittney. So the season was set with some ratchet tension right off the bat! And last night’s episode continued the theme of Messiness with a capital M. 

Briana Manson is back with Matt, a move that doesn’t sit well with her friends or family. She and Christy McGinty go shopping for lingerie and…sex toys? They tie each other up and slap each other around a bit before getting into a deeper conversation about Christy and Todd’s IVF plans. Briana is shocked to hear they’ll be choosing an average sized embryo rather than a little person (since Christy already has two children who are little people), but Christy wants the healthiest baby possible and stands by her decision. Side note, Christy looks the best she’s ever looked in her talking heads! #beautifulinblue

CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON FOR MORE! 

Over at Jasmine’s house, she’s taking care of her adorable son Mason. Her husband Chris recently closed his furniture store, so he’s doing the stay at home dad thing with her for now. Jasmine is still raw about Tonya’s ridiculously rude behavior toward her, so she’s not sure she wants to invite her to the upcoming house party she’ll be throwing. Chris is concerned that right now isn’t the right time to be throwing a lavish party given their financial strain, but he gives Jasmine the okay anyway.

Terra is at Elena’s, feeling weird about the information Brittney dropped on her last episode. Elena updates Terra on her makeup line dreams, which she’s focused on now that her clothing line dreams have gone up in smoke. Elena wants to pursue her makeup line exclusively, but she’s scared to tell Preston for fear of disappointing him. Since Preston is hanging out with them the entire time they chat, Terra has no chance of asking Elena about Brittney’s accusations. After Terra leaves, Elena works up the nerve to tell Preston she wants to pursue a makeup line and he is understandably frustrated that she’s changing the game up on him again. He reminds her of how much money they’ve lost on her last few “dreams,” and is scared of going broke throwing cash after her flimsy whims. Elena just mopes and walks away, not understanding that she is married to possibly the sweetest man to ever grace reality TV. 

Brittney just got back from being on tour with Miley Cyrus, and she needs a new place to live. She shows her dad – YES! we get to meet the elusive dad who dates EVERYone! – her new pad, while telling him she’s seen Elena recently, and that Elena got her lips done. (Is that what it is? She looks so different to me!) Brittney asks her dad when the last time he’s seen Briana, Elena, or Christy (all of whom he allegedly dated) was, but he just laughs and deflects for now. While Brittney was on tour, her boyfriend cheated on her, stole her money, and basically did her dirty. Her dad doesn’t want to see Brittney hurting. Having lost two sons to double-dominancy previously, he sees Brittney as his miracle child and is protective of her. He gets choked up just talking to her about her recent pain. Awwww.

Jasmine and Briana get together for a workout. Afterward, they discuss Jasmine’s upcoming party. Jasmine asks Briana to call Tonya to feel her out about potentially coming to the party, so Briana gets Tonya on speakerphone to do the deed. Of course, when Tonya hears the party will be at Jasmine’s, she immediately launches into her general dislike of her, which Jasmine can hear every word of. “She has a real sneaky side to her, and she’s a passive aggressor (hee!),” says Tonya, who has no plans of working things out with Jasmine. Was this a good idea, ladies? Er, no. “I don’t stoop to trash,” snarks Jasmine. 

Elena is at a lawyer’s office trying to get her US status paperwork straightened out. Her green card has expired, so she needs to submit documents, such as letters from friends, to prove that she’s still in a legitimate marriage. Elena is interested in US citizenship, so she’ll also have to study up on her history and civics to pass the test.

Because no one wants to film with her Tonya is at a local pottery class with boyfriend Jaa, who’s trying to reenact a brokedown version of Ghost by awkwardly grabbing Tonya from behind the pottery wheel. Tonya reiterates her hatred of Jasmine, telling Jaa that Jasmine even had the gall to invite her to her party. Jaa convinces her to go to the party, if not to make amends, then to “run her off” because Jaa seems to be cut from the same cloth as Tonya after all. #matchmadeinheaven

Meanwhile, Christy and Todd are at the IVF clinic to get her uterus examined before insemination. The doctor is concerned about getting the catheter in due to the short space between Christy’s tail bone and pubic bone, which is anatomically common in little people. After the procedure, the doctor tells her he’ll have more news for her in a week or two. 

The day of Jasmine’s party is upon us! She’s hired a party planner to help her stay on budget, but I have to ask: doesn’t hiring party planner mean your budget is already a bit inflated for a run of the mill “last minute” backyard barbecue? Hubby Chris is getting concerned about the extra uplighting and the general frou-frou of the affair, so Jasmine shoos him away in the name of giving him a moment to decompress. Briana shows up with a new treble clef note tattoo (did I get that right!?), telling Jasmine she’s “just spontaneous that way!” She also spills the beans that she has a matching tattoo with Matt. Get ready for it: His says “Bonnie” and hers says “Clyde.” Excuse me. Okay, I had to dry heave for a moment and am back now to continue the recap. 

As the couples arrive to valet parking in the suburbs, Terra and Brittney vow to turn up tonight. Terra admits she was floored by the information Brittney gave her about Elena, but Terra’s also got another little secret she’s holding on to. She says she was approached by a woman who claims Briana’s boyfriend Matt was sexting her photos and messages, but she’s not sure when to drop this little bomb on Briana. Tonight might be good! The cameras are rolling, after all. 

The tequila shots are flowing as Briana shows off her new tattoo, and is then pressed to tell the ladies about her matchy-matchy Bonnie and Clyde tattoos with Matt. “Matt is a dirty rat,” Terra interviews. (I want that t-shirt, please.) She launches into the rumors she’s been hearing about Matt sexting another woman, which Briana says isn’t Terra’s business. Briana says she already knows about the “erection photos,” and brushes it off as a one time mistake. “Everyone has ups and downs,” she quips with unintentional hilarity, considering the photos in question.

Briana pops off after the accusations keep coming, yelling at the ladies that HER business is HER business, so step off! Terra thinks Briana is playing with fire, but Jasmine stands by Briana claiming that her happiness is all that matters. Out of nowhere, Elena goes crazy screaming about Briana being a fool to stay with Matt, but Briana is standing firm. She says she made the biggest mistake of her life breaking up with Matt per her friends’ advice last year, so she’s #unconcerned with their opinion now.

Not one to let a fight die, Terra keeps poking the bear by screaming about Matt’s bad credit, lack of job, leechy behavior, shady sexting, and criminal record. Briana just wants Terra to get a life and stop worrying about hers. Although Briana does admit her parents don’t support her relationship with Matt either, she is done talking about it for now. She stomps out in tears after Elena and Terra’s relentless attack as Jasmine, now Briana’s last friend standing, follows her. So, battle lines have been drawn. Shots fired! 

TELL US: DO YOU THINK THERE’S TRUTH TO THE RUMORS ABOUT ELENA AND BRITTNEY’S DAD? SHOULD BRIANA’S FRIENDS BACK OFF ABOUT MATT? 

Photo Credit: Bravo 

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