The unconventional cure to my post-breakup blues

May 11, 2016 by admin
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Character Callie Torres has her own UDP on Grey’s Anatomy.

At 25, I went through a rough breakup with a live-in boyfriend. A throw-all-your-things-in-a-trash-bag-and-run-away breakup. Extracting myself from that relationship was brutal, but I landed safely in a tiny bachelorette pad. It was my first time living alone. And what this liberated self wanted to do was eat candy bars for dinner, take three-hour baths, and hold epic solo underwear dance parties.

In my time as a single woman, underwear dance parties (aka UDPs) were an almost nightly ritual. These were fantastically goofy, and they were the antidote to everything I suffered as a shut-in girlfriend. Some people go into sexual hibernation when they’re single, only to wake up when they’re paired off again. My reality was the opposite: My libido had flatlined in my relationship. The UDP was my electric jolt to get it going.

When I held these danceathons, I’d prop a mirror in front of the speakers so I could watch myself gyrate around the apartment. I’d give sideways smiles, winks or laugh like I was flirting with myself. If that sounds deeply weird, well, it was! But there was a reason for it: I was trying to remember the silly little coquette I was before my relationship stomped her flat.

Girls’ Hannah Horvath loves a good UDP.

I was still a college student when I met my boyfriend, a charming Brit in his late 20s with a fancy Downton Abbey accent. He was absolutely gaga over me. I basked in his attention and desire. I was new to adult dating, and it seemed so cosmopolitan to have someone buy me drinks in a bar when I was used to having plastic cups foisted on me at college parties. I found him worldly and brave, having come to the United States entirely alone in his early 20s to eke out a living in a record shop.

We were together for six years. Like many couples, we had a jumble of problems. But for me, one thing stood out: I wasn’t sexually attracted to him. Attraction is an odd thing; it’s not entirely based on being good-looking, or being a skilled or generous lover. My boyfriend was those things, but those characteristics alone can’t conjure real desire. That type of attraction is chemical, not concrete.

As Elizabeth Gilbert wrote in Eat, Pray, Love, attractions boils down to one question: “Do you want your belly pressed against this person’s belly forever – or not?” Despite his handsome features, his posh accent and his warmth, when I thought of pressing my belly to his, I wanted to wriggle away.

Before meeting him, my dating experience was limited. I went to a women’s college, and the opportunities to meet men were paltry and competitive. I considered Mr. Downton a get. So ignored my gut and gave myself pep talks before sex. “You’ll get into it with the right music!” “Try on some lingerie! Lace and silk makes anything sexy!” I thought real desire would come as our love deepened. And until then, I could manufacture it with the right lighting and playlist.

You can’t. What happens instead is like a limb falling asleep: numbness, pain and a deep discomfort at knowing something vital is cut off.

We repeat the patterns we know, and with this relationship, I was mimicking my parents. They met in another era and another culture (Latin America). My mother was a shy woman with beauty-queen looks. At the time, she was clinging to the last corner of her 20s in a conservative society, and her marital options were limited. So she was relieved when my father arrived on the scene, a warm-hearted, burly gringo who was bonkers about her. They got married, moved to the United States, had two babies and continued through a 19-year marriage.

Even as a child, I could sense a chilly distance between them. My father took long business trips, the communication between them grew frosty, and his erratic temper always loomed. But I often wondered if their relationship was fragile to begin with, because my father wasn’t my mother’s type.

My mother and women in her generation were often given this message: Lust is a one-way street. Women do the attracting and men do the selecting. I had absorbed that idea as well.

My parents separated and then I watched my shy mother orchestrate her own renaissance in her late 40s. She was free to make any dinner she liked, invite friends over any night she wished, pursue her own interests and hobbies, and rock a little black dress like a diva.

More than a decade later, I was trying to get my own groove back — and somehow I knew it had to start with doing a booty drop utterly alone. I reconnected with so many buried things: my body, my humor, my flirtatious nature, my knowledge of Abba’s discography.

All of these parts of myself were asleep in my relationship. But once they were zapped back to life, I no longer ignored my physical reaction to another person. I could really feel in my body whether I wanted to draw a person close or push them away. And I honoured that reaction.

Eventually I did some online dating, and I was determined to be the one doing the choosing. When I reached out to my future husband, I quickly suggested that we meet in person. I didn’t want a volley of emails to give me a false sense of chemistry. Thankfully, when I spotted him at my corner bar and settled in on the seat next to him, the electricity was instant. Many other elements eventually added up to our love, but I know that without this mutual chemistry, our connection would have sputtered.

I still indulge in the joy of a semi-nude rumpus. But now I can kick out the jams with my husband. Sometimes we’ll race home, throw off our work clothes, crank up the music and jump around the apartment together. And there are moments, mid-dance, when I’ll throw my arms around him and press him close to me, belly-to-belly.

The Washington Post

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Vicky Pattison showcases her sizzling bikini body as she tops up her tan in Dubai

May 11, 2016 by admin
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Kayleigh Giles

and
Poppy Danby For Mailonline

Published:
07:58 EST, 10 May 2016

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Updated:
08:50 EST, 10 May 2016

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She was recently crowned the new face of Ann Summers.

And it isn’t hard to see why as Vicky Pattison once again displayed her incredible bikini body in one of the brand’s designs as she continues to enjoy the balmy climes of Dubai.

The 28-year-old was bound to leave many of her 3.1 million Instagram followers green with envy as she posted a sizzling snap of her bronzed body in a brightly coloured two-piece.

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Sizzling: Vicky Pattison once again displayed her incredible bikini body in an Ann Summers design as she continues to enjoy the balmy climes of Dubai

Lounging poolside and soaking up the rays, Vicky opted for some lingerie-style swimwear comprised of neon pink lace bottoms and a coordinating bikini top that boasted the same fabric along the cups.

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The bright hue was the perfect choice for offsetting Vicky’s bronzed skin, with the beauty choosing a similarly vibrant shade when out dining with a male friend the previous evening.

The Ex on the Beach star put on a busty display in an orange bandeau dress, which exposed some of her tan lines.

The Loose Women host once again oozed confidence as she posed in front of the mirror in a plunging neon green bikini, with cute crossover detailing under the bust, on Monday.

Tanned: The bright hue was the perfect choice for offsetting Vicky’s bronzed skin, with the beauty choosing a similarly vibrant shade when out dining with a male friend the previous evening

Green goddess: Vicky put on an incredibly busty display in neon bikini for her latest Instagram snap on Monday

Standing in a darkened room, the buxom beauty was so proud of the shot that she posted it twice with a playful mirror image.

She concluded her flirtatious display as she captioned the post: ‘Twice the fun… Tan is coming along nicely… Bikini is ‘Mimosa’ from my @annsummers collection.’

And Vicky’s adoring fans have flocked to sing her praises, as the daring photo has already received more than 23,000 likes.

See celebrity Instagram updates as Vicky Pattison flaunts her figure in a sexy bikini selfie

Pretty in pink: Vicky showed just why she’s the perfect woman for the role by sharing a sexy selfie in one of the brand’s racy pink bikinis after waking up hungover in Dubai at the weekend

This is the second racy shot to come from the reality star in just three days.

For, on Saturday, Vicky shared a sexy selfie in another one of the brand’s racy pink bikinis after waking up hungover in Dubai.

The brunette stunner flaunted her toned physique in the sizzling snap with a lightweight sheer Peak Boutique cover-up resting loosely over her shoulders.

Stood in her darkened hotel room, the Geordie lass didn’t mind showing off her messy bed hair after a night of partying.

Fed up: Later on Saturday, Vicky took to Twitter to blast reports linking her to Stephanie Davis’s recent split from Jeremy McConnell

She captioned the picture: ‘Hungover bed head but I LOVE this bikini and cover up so I don’t care…. La la la la la laaaaa!!! Bikini is @annsummers Cover up is @peak_boutique ‘

Vicky pouted up a storm for the image, and while she may have looked a bit bleary-eyed, it was hard to look past her stunning shape.

She’s clearly enjoying her time in the Middle-East where she’s holidaying with her mum, sister and pals Alex Cannon and Gavin Foord.

Cocktails in the sun: She’s clearly enjoying her time in the Middle-East where she’s holidaying with her mum, sister and pals Alex Cannon and Gavin Foord

Jetting off: The former Geordie Shore star posted a picture of the crew chilling out in business class prior to take off on the outbound flight from London

She posted a picture of the crew chilling out in business class prior to take off on the outbound flight, writing: ‘Goodbye London… Hello Dubai… ✈️ Big balling with my ultimate squad…. I don’t know what I’d do without you… @mammypatto @laurajpattison @djgavinfoord @alexcannon247 #BUSINESSVIBES’

And she has since been enjoying cocktails by the luxury hotel’s pool.

Later on Saturday, Vicky took to Twitter to blast reports linking her to Stephanie Davis’s recent split from Jeremy McConnell.

Responding to a Tweet from OK! magazine in which she had been tagged, she wrote: ‘Stop tagging me in this nonsense…. It is a horrible situation but nothing to do with me. Ridiculous.’

Not involved: Vicky called the Jeremy and Stephanie situation ‘horrible’ but insisted it was nothing to do with her

The couple’s five-month on/off relationship has been a constant source of drama, with the love-birds breaking-up and making-up on a regular basis.

After sending sparks flying in the CBB house in January, when Stephanie was still officially in a relationship with model Sam Reece, Jeremy and the actress struck up a passionate romance.

However, their relationship has been rocked by a series of revelations about Jeremy sleeping with other women before they publicly confirmed their status as an item.

Following their latest split, it seemed Jeremy wasn’t all that heartbroken as Stephanie took to Twitter only hours later to reveal that he’d set his sights on Vicky.

Sharing a screenshot of a message she received from a fan, Stephanie appeared to reveal Jeremy had contacted the I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! winner for a date, with a now deleted message reading: ”@VickyGShore when u taking me out (sic).’

But Vicky has tried to set the record straight by telling a fan: ‘This is because he tweeted me and went unanswered’