Recommended: Computer officiates wedding, signals beginning of robot rule

Any literate Luddite can write his own wedding vows — and not endanger the future of humankind. Instead, Miguel Hanson wrote his own minister.

Unable to get a friend to preside over Saturday’s nuptials for him and fiance Diana Wesley, the Houston web developer and IT consultant went and coded a virtual minister named “Rev. Bit.”

AP

Miguel Hanson, right, kisses his fiancee Diana Wesley by the computer that will soon rule us all.

“We’re both friends of the computer. So it’s kind of like our best friend is still marrying us,” Wesley told the Associated Press. “The computer is a huge part of our lives, so why not be a huge part of this?” 

Wesley, 30, a high school sign language teacher, and Hanson, 33, met on the Sweet on Geeks dating site — which seems about right. (Why, it’s as if a computer wanted them to meet … )

The couple claim to have a shared interest over science fiction and fantasy, yet there is no mention of cyberpunk, which could explain why they figured a computer minister is perfectly safe. ”That’s kind of our thing,” Wesley said. “In fact, my maid of honor, she’s making my cake and she’s making it with Nerds as the topping and not icing. That’s kind of the theme, the geeked out wedding.”

(Eat cakes made of colorful candy while you can, Houston lovebirds. Soon, our robot overlords will have us toiling in servo factories.)

With a voice reminiscent of one Dr. Stephen Hawking, Rev. Bit presided over the ceremony via 30-inch monitor — square face with oval glasses on one side of the screen, purportedly executing words written by Wesley and Hanson on the other. He’s a bit less animated than Japan’s “I-Fairy” robot which married a couple last year. But what he lacks in movement, he makes up for in danger-distracting humor.

“If anyone here has anything to say that might change their minds or has any objections, they do not want to hear it and I will not recognize your objections since Miguel has programmed me to only recognize his commands,” Rev. Bit quipped to the approximately 30 wedding guests in Hanson’s parents’ back yard.

Leaving no room for Clippy to offer, “It looks like you’re getting married…” the couple spoke their parts, reading from a smartphones, of course. Hanson prompted Rev. Bit to speak his parts via a wireless mouse in his pocket.

More ceremony than legally binding, Rev. Bit doesn’t have the credentials to officially marry the couple — yet. Until the machines take over, the lovebirds must also to go to a human justice of the peace and sign some papers for that.

Going in, the couple had complete support from their friends over Rev. Bit — though not all family members were into it at first.  A couple members of the family were like, ‘Really? A computer?’” Wesley said before the wedding. “I think once they see it. … It’s novel and so it’s something they haven’t seen.”

Indeed. The video shows a glowing groom, a giggling bride standing before Rev. Bit’s monitor — and your standard-issue teary-eyed guests — a must at any wedding. And who knows? Maybe all those wedding-presiding Elvis impersonators will be out of business as soon as someone programs that thing to sing.

Adorable? Sure, for now. But we all know how this ends.

More on the annoying way we live now:

• Internet Explorer 6 users have low IQs, study says
• OK Go bends to your will, thanks to Google Chrome
• Monkey playing with iPhone heralds end of Man’s reigny says

Helen A.S. Popkin will take even the happiest story and make it about dystopia. Tell her to get a real job on Twitter and/or Facebook. Also, Google+.

Share and Enjoy

Facebook Adds ‘I’m Expecting’ Option

Nichole Beaudry is author of in these small moments, a blog about finding meaning and beauty in life’s ordinary moments. She’s been accused of being sweet, but beneath that, she’s honest and open, with a hint of snark. Former English professor, turned stay-at-home mom, Nichole maintains that although Shakespeare has been replaced by Fancy Nancy, she is using those college degrees. Nichole and her husband, Craig, live in Northern California,with their two young children, Katie (4) and Matthew (1). They are currently working on baby number three.

Monica Bielanko was born and raised on the wild frontier of late 1970′s Utah. She once went to see an unknown band from Philly and three months later she married the guitar player. They are still hitched six years later. She lived in Brooklyn, New York for a few years and she misses the Big Apple bad. She works in TV news. She loves nachos and beer and music and books and her two black labs. Her heart belongs to her toddler, Violet and her newborn little boy, Henry. Oh yeah, she also likes wine. When she’s not babbling you can find her at thegirlwho.net.

Melanie Blodgett is a party planner and writes daily at the lifestyle blog, You Are My Fave. When she’s not writing or tweeting 30 Rock quotes, you can find her on a bike ride, handcrafting party decor or on her daily trip to Target. She resides in Denver with her husband, Ryan. They’re currently waiting for the miracle of a baby.

Meredith Carroll is a native New Yorker who now lives in Aspen, Colo., where she writes her weekly, award-winning newspaper column, Meredith Pro Tem. She also contributes regularly to The Huffington Post and has appeared in other publications such as The New York Times and Town Country. She is a former TV producer and radio host, and enjoyed (or suffered through) a brief and undistinguished career in feature films as well. Rush Limbaugh once called her a babe, although she’s not sure if that’s something about which she should be bragging. Read more at MeredithCarroll.com.

Lauren Hartmann is a preschool teacher, wardrobe stylist and first-time mama-to-be blogging about life in Portland, Oregon with her husband Craig and their dog Marley at The Little Things We Do. She likes weedy flowers, carbohydrates, any excuse to dress up and is kind of addicted to Twitter. She knows a lot about kids and very little about babies, but is looking forward to learning as she goes.

Michelle Horton has covered everything from beauty to lifestyle to politics, but since having her son at the ripe age of 23, she’s been a regular contributor to Babble.com where she blogs at FamilyStyle. She lives in upstate New York with her husband and son, and occasionally updates her blog at Mama Never Said.

Emily Malone is a blogger, writer, marathon runner, vegetarian chef, and self-proclaimed peanut butter addict. Originally from the Midwest, in just a few short years she has bounced around from the South to the East Coast, finally landing across the way in Seattle, Washington. Until now, the house she shares with husband Casey has been ruled by their two crazy dogs – Huey and Indy. But that will surely change when they welcome their first baby in October 2011. When not Babbling about babies, she’s doing recipe development and contributions for publications such as SELF and O magazines, or posting healthy recipes and occasional gratuitous photos of her dogs at DailyGarnish.com.

Ceridwen Morris is a writer, mother and childbirth educator. She is co-author of It’s All Your Fault and From the Hips as well as several screenplays (for Miramax and HBO). Ceridwen is on the board of The Childbirth Education Association of Metropolitan New York and teaches childbirth classes at Tribeca Parenting. She lives in New York City with her husband and two children.

Arianne Segerman writes words on the screen at night after the homeschooling is done and her three boys are lost to dreamland. She shares stories on her personal blog, To Think Is To Create, about life as a mom to autism, walking through grief after losing her daughter in 2010, and the beauty and soul balm in all of it. Arianne is expecting a baby in the Fall of 2011 and has finally stopped throwing up. In her spare time she can either be found window shopping on Etsy or watching reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Ali Smith is a transplant to the Southern city of Richmond, Virginia, where she lives in a noisy apartment with her husband and toddler, Oscar. Aside from family, Ali’s favorite things are spontaneous road trips, homemade vinaigrettes, and invitations to do stuff. She sometimes considers writing her profession, but for now, you’ll find a hodgepodge of her thoughts and fixations at Ali Loves Curtis. She’s currently fixated on the pending arrival of her second child in December.

Holly Whitney is an artist, a mother, and a teacher – which explains the mystery behind her blog Artist Mother Teacher. Holly teaches design at a small NW Ohio college and spends her days off hanging out with her foxy musician husband and their ridiculously smart pre-school aged son. With another boy due in September, Holly will be highly outnumbered by boys in her house but will reign supreme as the only woman in the house.

Angela England is a problogger and freelance writer who lives in rural Oklahoma with her husband and four children, soon to be five. She is the Editor-in-Chief of Blissfully Domestic, ebook author, licensed massage therapist, and CAPPA trained childbirth educator and labor support doula. She knows first hand that sometimes there are differences between what you read and what you experience when you’re pregnant! Find her on twitter at @AngEngland and blogging at Untrained Housewife about the renaissance of homemaking.

Valerie Rowekamp is mom to a sweet boy (3), expecting another mid-September, and wife to an attorney. A former professional cheerleader and girl-about-town in her beloved city of Dallas, she started her personal style blog, CharmedValerie (www.CharmedValerie.com), as a creative outlet to get back in touch with her fashion-loving self (and perhaps inspire other moms to do the same). Valerie also vlogs fashion tips, beauty tricks, and everything in between on YouTube and she’d love to connect with you on twitter

Valerie Rowekamp is a part time commercial interior designer, writer, wife and mother to three (soon to be four) unintentionally hilarious children. She can oftentimes be found barefoot in the kitchen, or hiding in the isles of her favorite thrift store buying other peoples junk. Emily rants and raves about urban life, living in downtown Indianapolis, at her personal blog, DesignHER Momma as well as on twitter.

Share and Enjoy