Get Out of People’s Bedrooms, Please

When I was 16 years old, I wanted to be a computer graphics designer. Day and night, that’s all I literally dreamed about. Fast-forward a year or two and then came the preoccupation with boys. Not straight-laced serious boys, but bad boys. A few years after that, I was on to the next thing. Computer Graphics became a dream of the past. I changed my mind about my life a dozen times before choosing to dedicate my life to civil rights activism. And by the way, I eventually grew out of the “bad boy” mentality. Today, I’m dating one of them most successful businessmen in the country. The point is, “ish” changes.

Over 30 years ago, Chirlane McCray, wife of NYC Public Advocate Bill de Blasio, wrote a cover story for Essence Magazine where she said she was a lesbian. She’s now married to one of the most respected public advocates NYC has ever had and is mother to their two children. News flash: “ish” changes.

But why do we even care what goes on in people’s bedrooms?

Throughout this summer and in the weeks leading up to the presidential election, I often wrote and spoke about the continuing war on women. Whether it was contraception, our roles in society or our sexuality, women were under assault time and again. Didn’t those who were constantly throwing females under the bus learn anything from the election? Why do people feel the need to discuss what Chirlane’s sexual preferences are or what kind of marriage she and de Blasio have? For crying out loud, it’s almost 2013!

When Chirlane wrote her Essence story in ’79, it was a bold and daring move, to say the least. At a time when women were still heavily fighting for equality, she went there when many were afraid. For people to attack her or question her marriage now is nothing more than a cheap shot. In a column in the New York Post, writer Andrea Peyser said, “Lesbians don’t simply get cured, as if homosexuality were a temporary disease. Someone (de Blasio? McCray? Both?) isn’t being honest.” And cartoonist Sean Delonas (who previously depicted President Obama as a chimp), drew de Blasio in lingerie next to Chirlane in bed who was on the phone saying “I was a lesbian, but my husband, Bill de Blasio, won me over.” The Post and its contributors should be ashamed. By the way, Ms. Peyser now claims her words were misrepresented. Well Ms. Peyser, why the heck did you write about it in the first place?

What I am saying is that people’s personal lives should not be on the table unless they are sleeping with children or violating others. As long as their spouse or partner is cool with whatever it is, mind your damn business. Instead of criticizing a person’s track record or views on issues, some will stoop so low as to attack their spouses and try to disparage their character in the most disrespectful way. Who cares what a person’s sexuality is or who they are sleeping with, as long as they get the job done that they were elected to do.

The Supreme Court is set to hear two major cases on same-sex marriage in the near future. When bisexuality is so commonplace, as are gay/lesbian relationships, our laws still need to catch up. And so do the minds of some writers, cartoonists and publishers. Everybody needs to relax and get over it. Criticize people on the merits, not on what may or may not be going down in their bedrooms. GET A LIFE!!!! “Ish” changes!

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Wearing slippers to the theater, lingerie to the cinema

VietNamNet Bridge – This like-fabrication fact happens very often in Vietnam, which unfortunately is made by “famous” people.

 Model causes scandal at Hanoi Int’l Film Fest
Ministry issues draconian warning on ‘scandalous’ behaviour

Model Hong Que in the controversial dress.

The scandal made by a young model named Hong Que on the red carpet of the opening ceremony of the 2nd Hanoi International Film Festival in late November, is the latest scandal made by “celebrities” in Vietnam.

The film festival organizers might have forgot to make requirements of the outfits on its invitation letters to the opening ceremony (most of cultural and entertainment events in Vietnam are the same.) Perhaps the organizers simply thought that it is redundant to ask or guests to wear charming costumes to such a formal event.

However, for unwanted visitors who always try to take advantage of events to show off themselves as the above model did, even if the organizers set standards on the outfits, they would have been meaningless.

Attending an international film festival in Vietnam, foreign guests would want to see what is the most traditional and cultural identity, which is firstly reflected through the dress on the red carpet. However, the ao dai was selected by a few artists.

Actress Kim Hien in the ao dai.

In addition to the People’s Artist Nhu Quynh, who was always faithful to the traditional dress, only several Vietnamese actresses wore the ao dai at the festival, including People’s Artist Lan huong, young director Hoang Diep and actress Kim Hien.

While many Vietnamese female artists chose flashy and revealing dresses, the appearance of an Iranian actress – Taraneh Alidoosti, a member of the feature film jury, caught the eyes in a different way.

She always wore a headgear and discreet costumes. She absolutely did not use any trick to attract attention or “gnash her teeth” to suffer the cold in scanty dresses like many Vietnamese actresses, but Taraneh Alidoosti still looked beautiful and sexy.

Looking to China, actress Fan Bingbing always looked impressive at international film festivals, especially the Cannes Film Festival, with her traditional and Asian-styled outfits.

At the last Cannes Film Festival, she chose a long dress with the patterns on ceramic items of the Ming-Qing dynasties. Her jewelry and hair style were also very traditional. Her origin was revealed through her costumes.

Certainly, behind Bingbing is a team of stylists and well-known designers, but she herself was the one who decided what to wear.

Back to the Hanoi International Film Festival… It is believed male artists have no choice other than a tuxedo suit to big events, but it was not true.

Iranian actress Taraneh Alidoosti

At the closing ceremony of the festival, many people were surprised to see actor-director Vo Hoai Nam appearing in a cap.

Unfortunately, this type of dress is very common in Vietnam. Choosing the right outfit for events seems to be difficult for even those who are famous.

It is the personal right to choose what to wear but at big events, and for celebrities, their style has an influence on the public so they should be careful.

Two months ago, many guests who were invited to attend the launch of the America animated movie “Frankenweenie” (including many children) in Hanoi, were shocked when a quite-famous television host appeared in an odd outfit, with a dog.

A little girl asked her mother: “What kind of clothes does she wear, mum?” Other guests were also fed up with her costume, which looked like a sleepwear.

Actor-director Vo Hoai Nam in a cap

Showing personality in dress is good but the outfit must be suitable to the event and show the wearer’s respect to others.

Excluding Pop, Rock or Jazz shows, where the audience can dress comfortably, even at classical concerts, which imply stricter regulations on the costume, one can also see inappropriate outfits.  

Wearing slippers, shorts and T-shirt to the theater is no longer “strange.” Some people are also impolite to not turn off their cell phones during concerts.

All of these are no longer “poor aesthetics” but “poorly uncivilized”.

Hoang Vy

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