‘The Bachelorette’ finale: Andi Dorfman engaged to Josh Murray after Nick …

Chris Harrison kicks off
“The Bachelorette” finale in the wonderful dramatic fashion we all know and love — the man Andi didn’t chose is apparently not handling it very well. I think to myself at this point that it must be Nick that Harrison is talking about, because that sounds much more like what his reaction would be to being dumped than Josh’s.

Nick and Andi’s family

Nick brings a beautiful bouquet of flowers for Andi’s mom and a bottle of whiskey for her dad, which is a good first step. Sure, it’s sucking up, but it’s also good manners. Also, Nick is super nervous, which surprises me. Andi’s mom Patti is spot-on when she says Nick seems reserved. He definitely doesn’t
seem like he’s in love with Andi, based on his demeanor and affection.

When Nick takes some alone time with Patti, he expresses himself and his feelings very, very well and totally wins her over. Andi then tells her sister about their crazy “connection” and I have to say — I’ve been Team Nick for a while. I think if Andi chooses Josh, she’s taking the easy path with a guy who is just falling back into her previous patterns. I hope she picks Nick because I think he’ll challenge her and that’s important.

Nick talks to Andi’s dad Hy and flat-out asks for Hy’s permission to propose to Andi. Hy says if Nick and Andi “choose each other,” he thinks they’d be a great fit together. Good answer, dad. It’s terrific that he knows it’s really Andi’s decision and he offered his support without acting like he’s trading his daughter for chattel.

‘Bachelor in Paradise’ promo


Is it just me, or is the way to get me interested in”Bachelor in Paradise”
not by showing me Cody flexing on the beach? I mean, I’m already super excited about “BiP,” but the Cody stuff just does not do it for me. Anybody else?

Josh and Andi’s family


Hy is suspicious of Josh because he’s an athlete. On the one hand, don’t pre-judge, but on the other hand — Andi has a pattern and it hasn’t worked out so far, right?

Josh has flowers and cigars. I think Nick wins that round — or at least Nick got he better production assistant. But Josh is just as nervous as Nick was, which is also surprising. And as an aside, Andi’s flowy crop top and blue skirt is gorgeous, one of my favorite outfits she has had this entire season.

Josh seems to win over Andi’s family as well, though Hy expresses his skepticism that Josh is feeling this as more of a “camp romance,” which is hilarious and a very accurate assertion about what happens on this show. But again, Hy tells Josh he has his blessing, but Andi’s blessing/approval is the one he needs. Hy also gets a really funny dig in when he tells Josh that he is “one of the two best people I’ve met down here.” Hy for president. Or maybe Hy should just be an adviser on all seasons of this show.

Actually, Hy and Chris Soules’ mom from Iowa should just join the final three each season and dispense advice. Book it, ABC.

Josh’s date

Josh and Andi call each other “babe” and “baby,” which really rubs me the wrong way. I understand that it’s just people’s preferred term of endearment, but I have always hated that, even before the “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?” episode of “The Office.” Also, Andi says she really doesn’t know what she’s going to do yet, but how can you be this far and not have one of the people picked out yet? Shenanigans.

They canoodle on a yacht for their date and exchange lots of schmoopiness. It’s not overly noteworthy as far as dates go, no big serious conversations or anything. I feel like that’s pretty par for the course with them, actually. Andi confesses in an interview that she’s worried this relationship is “too good to be true” and might not “last forever.” Well, yeah. It’s that whole “camp romance” problem that your dad mentioned.

That night at dinner, Josh insists that nothing is going to change the way he feels about her and blah blah blah. Andi expresses her concern that what is left in their relationship once the fireworks and hot ‘n heavy stuff ends. Well, that’s a problem with every relationship, but if you don’t already know what will be left over when that ends, perhaps he’s not the guy for you. I knew right away what would be left over with my husband. Hmm.

Josh insists that it will be fine and that that doesn’t concern him, but him not being concerned doesn’t really have anything to do with Andi being concerned, you know? She sounds very unsure about this relationship and its depth, you know?

But then Josh plays a literal trump card — Andi’s own baseball card, which is admittedly a killer gift. He knocked that out of the park, gang. Especially the part where one of the statistics is “Games played: Doesn’t play games,” “Doubles: As an attorney,” “Errors: Can’t dance, swears too much,” “Slugging percentage: Hope to never find out” and “Saves: Josh from being a lonely man.” That’s spectacular, y’all. So clever and so sweet. Baller move. I’m super impressed (with either Josh or the production assistant who came up with that).


Nick’s Date

They go off-roading and have a picnic on the sand of a secluded lagoon, it’s crazy gorgeous. They rehash how meeting her family went and then Nick interviews that he needs Andi to find a way to express to him that he’s the one for her. He says if he doesn’t feel that he’s “the one,” then they aren’t getting engaged. Well, yeah — if you aren’t the one, she won’t say yes, dude. But I think he meant that if he doesn’t feel like he’s the one, then he won’t propose. I understand his sentiment (I think), but again, I don’t think Andi would let him get that far if she has chosen Josh. She’s not like that.

That night, Nick interviews that he doesn’t want to put Andi in a tough spot, but he wants to be completely doubt-free in regards to her feelings about him. Hmm. To Andi, he says, “I don’t want to be wondering [about us],” to which Andi smiles and tells him to be confident and honestly, when Nick says she’s giving him all the signs, he’s not wrong. She’s certainly giving him some signs, but also — she has to do that. She can’t sit there and show any doubt or else the suspense of the show is ruined. And it sucks for Nick because he honestly seems to really like Andi.

He talks about how he can’t wait to do mundane things with her (like go grocery shopping and cook dinner), though it’s interesting that he paints this picture of them in Chicago. Have they talked about that, where they would live? Why does she have to move to Chicago? It’s not the same situation as a farmer who can’t move his farm. Are there not software sales jobs in Atlanta? That really bugs me about this show — even on the ones where the woman is the star choosing the men, they often talk about her moving to the guy’s location. I feel like JP and Ashley are the rare exception in that regard.

Anyway, I feel like Nick is in for a world of heartache, you guys.

The Big Day


Andi wanders out of her cabana in a pink nighty and a robe, just strolling on the beach in her lingerie. It’s … weird. You know what would be amazing? If she wandered up and had her “I want to talk to Chris Harrison” segment in her jammies. Harrison in a turtleneck sweater, Andi in a negligee. Amazing.

Anyway, the Andi voiceover mentions her physical relationship with both guys, so obviously things are hot ‘n heavy all around. But she seems to be gushing a little more about Josh.

As Josh picks out his Neil Lane diamond ring, Andi comes to see Nick. Ruh roh.

After a commercial, we have to spend time getting past cast members’ opinions about what just happened. Get back to the action! But Clare Crawley rather awesomely says she wishes “someone” had knocked on her door. Juan Pablo is the one who doesn’t knock. Hee.

But back to Nick and Andi! Andi basically says that she’s just not feeling it with Nick, is what it boils down to. She says a life with Nick would be over-analyzing every single moment. Hmm. I disagree with that sentiment, but I am obviously not a part of this relationship, so.

Nick is pretty gobsmacked. He felt really confident and says that Andi maybe took it too far, like when he said, “I love you” and she responded, “I wish I could say things back.” Indeed. That’s a tricky line with this show. She certainly hasn’t given Nick any reason to think he’s NOT the one.

He wants her to be absolutely sure, which she says she is, so that’s all she wrote for Nick. Andi leaves and Nick is sad. “Gee, I’m glad it’s raining/ No one sees your teardrops when it pours,” starts running through my head. Yes, that is from “Ernest Goes to Camp,” why do you ask? It’s a good song.

In the car on the way out of the resort, Nick says he feels like such a fool, that he thinks Andi made a mistake and that he was really looking forward to starting a family with Andi. Ouch.

The Proposal

Josh gave up baseball to find that greater love, he says. Or it’s because he never made it out of single A and you can’t play minor league ball for peanuts your entire life. That might have had something to do with it.

Anyway, he says he and Andi can do anything together and he is the only man who can make her smile the way she smiles. The music swells! He proposes! She says yes!

Tune into “After the Final Rose” to find out if they’re still together.

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The shower girlfriend: What’s with this weird trend?

And it seems to be turning into a trend.

First, artist Noortje De Keijzer released “My Knitted Boyfriend,” a kit that gives you the opportunity to knit your very own Mr. Perfect. He’s everything you want him to be because, well, you make him.

“He will have a mustache if you prefer mustaches,” she writes on her website. “He will wear glasses if you prefer glasses. He likes to sit on your floor, on your couch or at your dinner table. But most of all he likes to lay down next to you in bed. With your head on his chest and his arms wrapped around you. This way you will never feel alone ever again. With this man you can be sure, he will never leave you.”

We’re sold… especially if the optional accessories include a Ryan Gosling face.

Then, there’s this guy. According to a series of photos uploaded to Imgur, this “lonely man” turned his shower head into his very own doting gal pal by adding a mask, lingerie, wig and some balloons for boobs, of course. According to the pics, he regularly caresses his blond bombshell and even feeds her ramen. Because that’s what all loving boyfriends do.

Swoon. We’re kind of hoping (praying) it’s a joke, but behavioral health specialist Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT-S, says it’s not that uncommon for people to imagine and then create the perfect mate.

“For some people, this behavior is mostly a laughable look at the fact they don’t currently have a boyfriend or girlfriend,” he tells SheKnows. “That said, for many people this is a very real attempt at filling an emotional void. I see this sort of behavior all the time in the ways people utilize digital technology. They go online and cruise social media, porn sites, dating sites and hookup sites, hoping to get their emotional needs met in some way. Much of the time they’re hoping to find a real person for a real relationship, but other times they’re not.”

Weiss cites the growing popularity of digitally-animated boyfriends and girlfriends among Japanese people as one example. One man even held a “live commitment ceremony” with his digital gal pal on the dating simulation game Love Plus.

Jokes aside, creating your own mate can be a fun way to joke about the dating scene, though others look to it as a way to avoid intimacy and the heartache that can come with it.

“People with attachment deficit disorders — most often the result of neglectful and/or abusive parenting and other early-life trauma issues — may well seek out artificial and therefore risk-free forms of intimacy — whether it’s a converted showerhead girlfriend, a knitted boyfriend, an avatar, digital pornography, anonymous webcam encounters, or whatever,” he says.

“The simple truth is that real intimacy with real people requires a level of vulnerability (being honest about who you are, what you want and what you are feeling) that can feel intolerable to some people, especially those damaged by early-life trauma,” Weiss adds. “These folks may, as adults, seek to avoid true intimacy and the risks inherent with emotional vulnerability, instead choosing to (temporarily and partially) meet their very human need for connection via simulated encounters.”

Just try to stay away from shower mates. Not sure that’s ever justifiable.

More on relationships

The silent treatment and other signs you’re in a dysfunctional relationship
Why your significant other might not be your soul mate
My husband sleeps with other women — and I’m OK with it

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