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‘Don’t forget the female orgasm’: Meet the sisters helping freshers in the bedroom

But why are these two sisters so desperate to educate Britain’s young ladies
about their clitorises and climaxes?

“Only
[about] 30 per cent of women have orgasms [from intercourse],”
Sophie tells me. “70 per cent is a f****** huge number. I feel passionately
that it’s not a biological thing. There are lots of factors and sexual
education, or the lack of, is one of those.”

Their website goes into
more detail: “All the hard work done by feminists and scientists to prove
that women can/do and should enjoy sex, does not seem to be benefitting
younger generations- with sexual assaults in universities, addictions to
hard core pornography and cyber ‘slut-shaming’ bullying all making regular
appearances in the national press.” So far, so sound.

We want men to be proud of pleasuring women

_{Men should be proud of caring about women’s needs}

That’s ultimately why they’re choosing to make students their priority area,
as well as the fact that “they’re kind of at the age where they’re starting
to become sexually active, or maybe they have before, but with the right
information they can have a great experience”.

This is what the Holloway sisters are all about – helping young women have
better, and more empowered, sex lives. “We have a passion for young women’s
female empowerment,” Sophie tells me. “We’d like to rebrand sex, that it’s
more the intimate act of giving and receiving pleasure.

“We want to give young women confidence, to recognise the wrong guy to have
sex with. If someone’s a d*** in real life, he’s unlikely to be any more of
a nice person between the sheets. We want to be a force for men to be proud
of giving women pleasure, and this idea of ‘a notch on the bedpost’ to
become ‘I gave her an orgasm, I’m a cool man.’ We want that to be what
they’re patting each other on the back about in the pub.”

The sisters are keen for the guide to be read by men as well as women: “With
consent and rape being talked about quite a lot in the media, we want to be
a force for good in that environment so it’s for men as much as it’s for the
women definitely. There’s no harm in the man knowing about the female sexual
anatomy and knowing where those erogenous zones are.”

Consent is front and centre

_{Sophie Holloway}

Consent is a big theme in the guide because the sisters feel that it is
becoming an increasingly large problem for young people. A recent study
shows more than a
third of female students have been groped at university, and reports
suggest a ‘rape culture’ on campuses.

“With consent, it’s definitely about gaining a ‘yes’,” explains Sophie.
“People don’t understand. They think, of course I wouldn’t have sex with
someone who didn’t want to have sex with me. If you’re getting a ‘yes’,
great, but it’s this idea that ‘she didn’t say no’. We want to push this
idea that gaining a ‘yes’ is important.”

READ: ‘Rape
isn’t really rape when it happens at university.’ Is this really the view of
some students?

She defines this as one of the four principles that the guide focuses on. The
others are: territory (understanding the female anatomy), pleasure and
boundaries (checking in with yourself to make sure you’ve got an idea of
what you want from a sexual situation before you go out and do it).

Consent falls into ‘communication’ – something the sisters are keen that every
woman does with her sexual partner, even if it’s a one night stand. “I
definitely wasn’t an Agent Provocateur model when I was 17 but I was having
sex,” Sophie tells me.

“It’s important for us to bridge the gap and say, you don’t have to change
when you get into the bedroom and be this kind of foxy minx. You can just be
yourself and pleasure comes from understanding your own body and have the
confidence to ask for what you and communicate with your partner.

“Hollywood gives off this idea that we should all be Jedi mind readers and no
one should talk during sex and that’s really unsexy, unless you’re doing
some kind of dirty talk. When actually…having really s*** sex is unsexy.”

Female orgasms are a feminist issue

_{It’s
all about empowerment}

She wants to make sure that sex becomes more equal so that it’s about women
just as much as men. To her, orgasms are a feminist issue, because society
prioritises the male climax.

“I’m a feminist, I believe in an egalitarian society, and sex should be the
same. You should be having sex for pleasure, and not for the pleasure of
pleasing another person. If you just want to have sex and you’re not
bothered about the person, then just masturbate.”

It’s something she thinks begins in schools, where children are taught about
biology and procreation. Female orgasms are rarely explained, but male ones
are because of their relevance to reproduction.

“It’s like we miss the female orgasm,” she says. “That’s probably not ideal
for the young girl. Men have all the tools to understand theirs and we
don’t. When you think about it, it’s a big way of saying ours is not as
important as men. So you get older, and carry on thinking this.”

This is where the campaign’s ultimate goal comes in. Once the sisters have
managed to help uni students, they want to start a national campaign to make
sex education in schools pleasure-based. Their arguments are that it would
teach girls about their bodies, make sex more equal, and help more women
orgasm during sex.

“There’s lots of opposers [sic] to pleasure based education and funnily enough
they all seem to be men who actually, almost 100 per cent of the time are
able to orgasm,” points out Sophie. “That seems a bit unfair that someone’s
telling us what we deserve to know when actually the problem is not theirs.
So they can’t really understand.”

Don’t fake orgasms. Or get too wasted

_{SATC – why did you bring up faking orgasms?}

It’s why she’s going straight to the people who do understand – young women
figuring out their sex lives at uni. “The key goal is to get pleasure-based
sex education into schools and we do anticipate that’s going to take a
little while to convince that powers be, but if we can be very proactive
with what we’re doing with an older generation of people, then we can come
back and say this is what girls and boys are saying.”

Annoyingly when I meet Sophie, the printed leaflet isn’t yet available for me
to review – but I applaud the sisters’ aims.

In the meantime, they just want to break down some myths about sex, starting
with faking orgasms. “Sex and The City brought up this whole
thing about women faking orgasms and it’s like, that’s really bad. It’s
totally fine from both perspectives if you don’t want to have one but it’s
the choice thing. You should at least have the choice.”

For freshers, one of the most pressing issues will be about drinking, and
that’s where Sophie has her final tip. “The onus on getting wasted in
Freshers’ Week is like, oh nooo. If you need alcohol to be confident, to
talk to guys, then just know your limits. You want to be present when you’re
having sex with someone and not wasted.

“Because there comes a point when it’s probably pretty pointless, unless you
have a really over-sensitive clitoris. You probably won’t be able to feel
anything, in which case, what’s the point?”

For more information on the guide, visit Ladies
Come First.

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