Most Googled Valentine’s Day gifts may surprise you

It turns out everything is bigger in Texas.

Even the Valentine’s Day gifts.

A map featured on Mental Floss shows what Valentine’s Day-related gifts each state Googles more, and Kansas and Missouri’s searches are no surprise.

Kansans, according to the map, prefer to look for diamonds and gold from Helzberg Diamonds.

Missourians go the sentimal route, looking up gifts from Hallmark Cards, headquartered in KC.

But it’s the searches of other states that provide the humor.

Turns out Texans are on the hunt for plus-size lingerie, while residents of Seattle look for bear skin rugs.

Seems fitting.

People in Kentucky prefer to give the gift of pain and regret through couples tattoos — ouch.

If you live in New Mexico, you don’t have to spend a dime on your valentine. Their preferred search is free of cost: a hickey.

And to the singles of the world, be glad you’re not coupled up in Mississippi, or all you’d receive is a lousy mixtape.

Here’s the full map, for your viewing pleasure:

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Lembit Opik endures first step of life-changing treatment to fix ‘wonky jaw’

Former Liberal Democrat MP Lembit Opik, pictured with ex girlfriend and Cheeky Girl, Gabriela Irimia

Suffering is inevitable, but misery is a choice. Or so says Lembit Opik, rather bleakly, as we wind up our conversation.

Yes, Lembit Opik: the affably goofy former Liberal Democrat MP, who in recent years reinvented himself as a stand-up comic, turned his hand to wrestling and appeared in a band called Adam and the Asbos, as well as in various reality TV shows from I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! to Come Dine With Me.

Later, and after a spot of judicious Googling, I discover his haunting comment is similar to something Japanese author Haruki Murakami wrote in his bestselling novel What I Talk About When I Talk About Running: ‘Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. Say you’re running and you think, ‘Man, this hurts, I can’t take it any more.’ 

The ‘hurt’ part is an unavoidable reality, but whether or not you can stand any more is up to the runner himself.’

Opik is not the sort of person one expects to start spouting 21st Century philosophers, but I can understand why the words chime for him right now. The 50-year-old from Montgomeryshire is in a lot of pain. He is suffering. And to be honest, he seems fairly miserable, too.

But it would be hard to begrudge him that, given what he’s just been through. On January 26, Opik underwent the first in a series of life-changing operations to reposition his dramatically asymmetric jaw.

Orthognathic surgery, as it is known, is routine – although serious – but Lembit’s condition was so severe that he says his doctors want to use him as a case study of a complicated case to teach students.

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Typically the technique is used to correct a receding or jutting lower jaw. But his sideways asymmetry – which had the effect of making him instantly recognisable – required five hours in theatre.

The surgery involved sawing through his jawbone, then repositioning it about 1cm to the left and 6mm upwards on the left side, and fixing it in its new position with titanium plates.

He says: ‘In X-rays, I look like the Terminator.’

I assume that he’s joking – but he doesn’t laugh.

‘Smiling hurts. Talking hurts. Laughing hurts. Eating is impossible. I am trying to go out every day to see how I feel. I went to church yesterday but just doing that exhausted me.’

He announced his intention to have surgery at the beginning of the year, and at the time he joked: ‘I’d like to think I’ll look like George Clooney.’

But he is adamant the reason for the operation was to save his teeth, and was not cosmetic.

Eccentric Opik has tried to reinvent himself many times, with TV appearances and musical performances. Pictured, he performs with MPs Ian Cawsey and Emily Thornbury at a concert to promote climate change

‘I’ve always had a slightly asymmetric face, but it was made much worse after my paragliding accident,’ he explains.

On April 13, 1998, when he was 33 and newly elected as an MP, Opik, a keen paraglider in his 20s, took off on a flight over the Shropshire Hills but within minutes plummeted to the ground from about 80ft.

He landed vertically with tremendous force, and the shock wave of the impact shattered his knees, four ribs, his sternum and his jaw. His back was broken in 12 places and he lost six teeth.

‘I was unlucky to have the accident, and lucky to survive it,’ he says today. ‘My injuries were so severe, the doctors and nurses at the Royal Shrewsbury Hospital, where I was taken, didn’t notice I had a broken jaw for a week.’

Although he made a good recovery, he adds: ‘They wired it [his jaw] but it didn’t mend right, and basically my teeth haven’t met properly for the past 18 years. I’d been living on soft food for a long time. It was soup, beans, mash. Steak? Nuts? Forget it.’

His dental problems had been getting worse for years, he says. ‘I had a dental bridge to replace teeth on the left, but as they were the only teeth that actually touched when I ate, eventually they disintegrated because of the amount of work they had to do.’

Lembit Opik suffered hours of surgery to realign his jaw and he will continue to have treatment for two years

Three years ago he was referred to specialists, who told him ‘the operation would be the only way that I would be able to eat normally again’.

His orthodontist, Pratik Sharma at The Royal London Hospital, part of Barts NHS Trust, said it was an extreme case of asymmetry.

Opik says: ‘The doctors met and came to the conclusion that something had to be done.’ He was shown pictures of other patients who had had similar procedures.

Cosmetically, the results are dramatic. Indeed, some doctors now call a version of the operation ‘a reverse facelift’ as the jaw is pulled forward or backward, changing the facial shape significantly.

Wasn’t Lembit wary, in his middle age, of transforming his appearance? His goonish grin was a trademark of sorts. And it never seemed to get in the way of attracting the ladies, I remind him.

There were former fiancees – bubbly Welsh ITV weathergirl Sian Lloyd and Gabriela Irimia, one half of twin pop act The Cheeky Girls. He was later linked to pneumatic lingerie model Katie Green. Aged 21, she was 23 years his junior at the time, although he said they were ‘just good friends’.

Opik’s goonish grin was considered his trademark but he says he is not wary of changing his appearance

He split with his most recent squeeze, buxom blonde student Merily McGivern, 25, in 2013.

They all saw beyond his lopsided facade, so why choose to make such a radical change? He says: ‘I was always self-conscious. Most of the time, I didn’t mind when people made fun of me and my ‘wonky face’. I’ve been easy to caricature.

‘But even if it wasn’t explicit, there was always that inference in articles – what would any of those women see in me?

‘And what about the young people who have these kinds of jaw conditions, but don’t have as thick a skin as I do?

‘What message does it send to them? They think no one will ever love them.

‘You could say my face was my trademark, but if it’s a choice between looking unusual and being able to eat, well it’s no choice really.’

The operation, carried out by maxillofacial surgeon Michael Millwaters, was more complex than anticipated, despite the meticulous planning that goes into the procedure, using 3D scans and models.

During his surgery Opik’s jaw was repositioned and titanium plates were inserted to keep his bones in place

One problem was that a nerve in the right side of Opik’s mouth had to be rerouted during surgery. He explains: ‘It was encased in bone, probably after the accident.’

When he came round from the operation, he held the hand of his recovery nurse and wept.

‘It was like 18 years of bottled-up emotion since the accident suddenly came out. The grief, and gratitude and guilt for the amount of stress and pain I’d caused people around me at the time. It felt like closure.’

He was discharged the next day with painkillers and antibiotics, swollen and sore, but stable.

He says: ‘This is just the first op, the big one. But there’ll be another one to refine the shape of my chin, and some more dental work.

‘It’ll be another two years before the journey is over. I don’t regret it for a minute and I’d advise anyone in my position not to wait until your teeth are crumbling.’

He’ll be back at work as communications director for the Motorcycle Action Group, the largest riders’ rights organisation in Britain, ‘in a week or two’ but for the time being he is recuperating at home.

‘At the moment, there is a continuous thudding in the right side of my face. I’m trying not to make a song and dance of it, but I don’t want to take too many painkillers. I’ve been told to take it easy and avoid eating hard food.’

Has he been told to avoid talking too much, I wonder?

‘Not for medical reasons,’ he answers. And I’m sure, finally, I detect a small chuckle.

 

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