Kevin Costner’s Draft Day may set record for most improbable plot

Remember the thrill you got when 83-year-old Rocky Balboa fought for the heavyweight title in “Rocky VI”? Or when that receiver pulled out a pistol and shot three defenders while scoring a touchdown in “The Last Boy Scout”? Or when hard-luck golf pro Kevin Costner holed a 235-yard shot in “Tin Cup”?

That stuff would never happen in real life unless Aaron Hernandez was trying to score, but it makes for better movies. I bring this up because Costner’s latest sports foray may have just set a record for implausibility.

Ladies and gentlemen, we give you “Draft Day.” I don’t want to say you need the sports IQ of a nacho to enjoy the Cleveland Browns drama, but consider some of the plot points (obligatory spoiler alert here):

• Related

• 

  Donald Trump would be great for NFL

• 

  Ohio State athletic director’s bonus trumps Miguel Cabrera’s mega contract

• Topics
• 
  
  Football
  
• 
  
  Professional Football
  
• 
  
  Kevin Costner
  
• See more topics »

• The new head coach arrived from Dallas, where he’d just won a Super Bowl. No, the movie is not set in 1994.

• Costner, the general manager, trades three future No. 1 picks for the top pick in the 2014 draft. He gets his player then bluffs Seattle into trading back the three No. 1 picks and a punt returner.

• After getting the top pick, Cleveland’s GM realizes he didn’t scout the best player in the draft, a quarterback from Wisconsin. OK, maybe that one’s not so implausible.

• Just before the draft, the Browns’ hot, young salary-cap expert tells Costner she’s pregnant with his baby. (Note: most NFL capologists do not have affairs with general managers, no matter how good they look in lingerie).

• Costner’s mother shows up with the urn containing the ashes of his father and demands to spread the ashes over the practice field. A bunch of dead Hall of Famers come out of a corn field at the end and play catch with the urn.

Wait, that was Field of Dreams. Even hardcore baseball fans still get weepy over that one.

Draft Day won’t become a classic, but you might still find it enjoyable if you observe the first rule of sports movie viewing:

Check your brain at the theater door, especially when Rocky VII comes out in 2023.

Wonderlic watch

Speaking of Cleveland blowing picks, draft hype entered its Wonderlic phase last week with the unauthorized release of certain players’ scores.

I don’t want to say the NFL is manipulating the media to keep people talking about the draft, but it is and it’s working. The mock draft world was rattled with the news that Johnny Manziel has the highest score among quarterbacks at 32.

The Wonderlic scale goes from 50 (Einstein) to 0 (insert Mississippi State joke here). It’s fun to talk about, but if it had any bearing on pro careers Ryan Leaf (27) would be in the Hall of Fame and Dan Marino (15) would be selling insurance. Other scores of interest over the years:

Tim Tebow (22), Peyton Manning (28), Eli Manning (39), Percy Harvin (12), Sebastian Janikowski (9), Chris Leak (8).

Blaine Gabbert had 42, roughly the same number of interceptions he threw per season with the Jaguars.

Reason No. 8,492 the Masters is a tradition unlike any other

U.S. ski star Bode Miller was prevented from taking a quesadilla onto the course during the first round. Security stopped Miller as he was leaving a hoity-toity hospitality.

“If you pay $7,500, you ought to be able to bring out a quesadilla,” Miller said.

Despite calls from the New York Times for Augusta National to stop menu discrimination, Masters chairman Billy Payne said the club will not be pressured into offering memberships to minority food groups.

Speaking of food groups, John Daly was again hawking merchandise outside Augusta National’s gates this year. Daly told The Guardian that since undergoing lap band surgery in 2009, he’s down from 28 to a dozen or so Diet Cokes a day. He is up to 40 cigarettes a day. His Wonderlic score is holding steady at 6.

Reason No. 8,493 the Masters is a tradition unlike any other

For $7,500, Miller could have gone to the concession stand and bought 2,000 pimento cheese sandwiches, 1,200 beers and 900 moon pies.

Jerry Greene is plotting his long-awaited return to the Cheap Seats. David Whitley can be reached at dwhitley@tribune.com.

Share and Enjoy

Wigan woman are best bra none!

WIGAN has more front that Blackpool pleasure beach as the borough’s women prove the bustiest in the country.

A year-long survey of bra buyers revealed that the town’s women have the biggest average boob size: a massive 36F, beating Liverpool’s babes who reach 34E.

And the stats show a North/South divide (or cleavage?) with Portsmouth at the bottom of the league, supporting an average of 34A.

It also highlights how women’s boobs are getting bigger, with the average bra size going up from 34C in 2011, to a much fuller 34D.

Wigan’s more well-known females certainly do put up a good front.

Ashton-born actress Kym Marsh opted to enlarge her breasts from 32B to 32D back in 2009 and glamour model Louise Glover from Haydock is not afraid to show off her large 36F cups either.

Louise has been named Playboy Model of the Year and has appeared in lads mags and been at the centre of many tabloid page threes.

The news follows research by Debenhams which shows 63 per cent of women are wearing the wrong sized bra. As a result, the department store has launched its 2014 bra fit campaign, encouraging women to go into their nearest store for a complimentary measuring service.

Sharon Webb, head of Debenhams lingerie said; “No matter how busty you are – our bra fit campaign aims to raise awareness of the importance of wearing the correct size bra and encourage women in Wigan to be fitted regularly. As breast size can fluctuate due to a number of factors we recommend getting fitted every six months to ensure women are always wearing the correct size.”

The research also shows that only 21 per cent of women have been fitted for a bra in the last two years and an alarming 37 per cent have never been measured. The retailer sells on average 10,000 bras per week which means around 6,000 are being bought in the incorrect size.

Debenhams has identified the five signs for spotting an incorrect fitting bra:

Centre of bra should always sit flat against the chest;

Wires should fully encompass your bust and sit around the breast – not on it

Bust should be fully contained within the cups;

Make sure you have enough space to fit two fingers underneath back strap – the hook and eye should be fastened on the middle hook and eye;

Marks on the skin caused by over tightening straps. This probably means you need a new bra;

The retailer has also highlighted the top five side-effects of wearing the incorrect bra size can include:

Headaches – If your bra is too tight, it causes tension on your shoulders, neck and back and that in turn can cause headaches;

Saggy boobs – a bra that is the wrong size can cause the ligaments to stretch, which can ultimately result in saggy boobs;

Back pain – caused by not enough support;

Bulging boobs – You know when your bra is too tight and your boobs start to bulge out over the top creating the four boob effect;

Back bulge – Another telltale sign of a tight bra is bulging back fat. In some cases when a bra is too tight it can also cause stomach bulge.

Share and Enjoy