‘Becoming Us’ Series Premiere Recap: Ben Adjusts to the New Woman in His Life

Ben is anything but your run-of-the-mill Midwestern teen, although that’s what ABC Family wants you to believe about the star of its new non-scripted series Becoming Us. He may not be in the same league as the Juno-esque crowd we often seen on shows with overwrought teenagers as the protagonists. Ben’s also not as monosyllabic as most teen boys, and from the outset, he comes off as quite artistic, sensitive and intuitive.

Ben lives in Evanston, Illinois, a suburb just outside of Chicago. He brags about how close he is to his family, something else that sets him apart from many teens. Am I the only one who remembers the angst of The Breakfast Club?

Of course, no kid can be this well-adjusted, so there’s got to be a
twist, and in Ben’s case, it’s the other woman that came between his
parents, Carly. But Carly isn’t some home-wrecking girlfriend; she’s
Ben’s dad, formerly known as Charlie. But more on that later.

Ben’s
an aspiring photographer, and one of his favorite subjects is his
girlfriend, Danielle. Danielle, a senior, and Ben, a junior, both abhor
high school. Ben’s particular “situation” is making the day-to-day
torture of high school that much tougher. Danielle can relate because
her dad is also transgender. (Note: ‘transgendered’ is considered a derogatory
term.)

A year ago, Ben got hit with a double whammy. First, his
parents told him they were getting a divorce, and then they broke the
news that his dad was choosing to live as a woman. This shouldn’t have
come as a total shock because Ben reveals that he had noticed, at some
point before the big reveal, that his dad had boobs. I’d say that’s a
pretty telling hint.

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Carly

Enter Carly. Carly spent 16
years trying to play the role of the doting patriarch and loving
husband, but not being true to who she was led to some self-destructive
behavior, namely drinking heavily. It got to a point where, in Carly’s
words, “It was either I go this road or I end up buried.”

In the Becoming Us premiere, “#WelcomeToMyWorld,” Carly,
Ben and Danielle go out for pizza, and Danielle reveals to Carly that her
dad, Daniel, went bra shopping. Carly is empathetic that it might not be
the easiest thing in the world for a girl to envision her dad going so
he can find some flattering undergarments.

Even though Daniel
has been transitioning since Danielle was 7, he still considers
himself a man. Daniel just likes to wear makeup sometimes and has boobs.
Danielle describes her dad as “stuck in the middle.”

Carly
offers to go with Danielle and her dad to lend a helping hand. Danielle
is all for the two meeting because even though her dad’s been
transitioning longer, he’s not fully comfortable being in public dressed
as a woman. She’s hoping some of Carly’s self-confidence might rub off.

Sutton

Ben’s
mom, Suzy, has a daughter, Sutton, from a previous relationship.
Sutton, who lives in NYC with her fiance, Kevin, comes to town to start
planning her wedding. There’s a weird vibe when Sutton talks about
Carly. She makes it clear that Carly is her step-father and that she
never called him dad. It feels like they may not have been that close.
Whatever, if anything, is wrong between them has nothing to do with
Carly’s decision to live as a woman. Sutton makes it clear that she
supports Carly in that capacity. Like her mother, I think Sutton is
primarily concerned with how all of this is affecting Ben.

As if
weddings weren’t complicated enough, Sutton has to figure out how Carly
will fit into the scheme of things. Suzy puts her foot down that Carly
will not walk Sutton down the aisle. Sutton feels a bit stuck in the
middle, but she wants this monumental occasion to be first and foremost
about herself and Kevin, and then about her mom and brother. In other
words, she doesn’t want Carly stealing her thunder.

Suzy

Carly
drops by Suzy’s apartment, and the two have obviously found a way to be
amicable. There’s some guilt on Carly’s part because she admits she
started the transition process without discussing it with Suzy first.
There was definitely a lack of transparency, not that Suzy was
completely clueless to the fact that something was up. The couple went
to therapy because Charlie was dabbling in cross dressing — and hats off
to Suzy, she was willing to go along with that. But once the hormones
kicked in and the boobs came into play, all bets were pretty much off.
Carly completely owns up to the fact that she wasn’t the best husband.

Suzy
had some anger but not because Carly was transgender. It was because
she found herself in a situation, again, where she couldn’t rely on a
man. I’m guessing things did not end well with Sutton’s dad because even
Sutton says that Suzy served as both her mother and father.

Whatever
Suzy’s feeling are about Carly regarding their marriage, she is pushing
them aside so they can both be emotionally available for Ben. Their
biggest concern, currently, is Ben’s poor performance at school, and
Suzy and Carly agree that it’s time to sit down with their son and discuss
his education.

It’s not until Carly starts discussing her hair
that we are reminded this is supposed to be kind of weird. It turns out Carly stole Suzy’s hairdresser. It’s those little awkward moments that
make you appreciate how hard Suzy has to be working to keep it together,
knowing your marriage is water cooler fodder at the beauty salon.

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Ben’s Friends

Ben
has a tight-knit group of incredibly hip and tolerant friends: Ayton; his girlfriend, Brook; and Brook’s brother, Lathan. They all talk very
openly about Carly, and there’s a natural curiosity that I’m sure viewers
can relate to. Lathan asks if Carly is romantically interested in men
or women, and Ben reveals that Carly likes women.

My Two Moms?

Carly
and Suzy have dinner with Ben and discuss his overall poor academic
performance. Suzy is the more laid-back of the two, and she is flirting
with the idea of letting Ben attend school online, but Carly
disagrees. She believes that navigating all the social pressures is key
to learning how to cope with different personality types that you’ll
encounter as an adult.

Daniel

At Daniel’s (“Dan”) house, Danielle broaches the subject of bra shopping with Carly with her
dad. He’s very open to the idea. Whereas Carly is very comfortable in
her skin, Dan is struggling. He says he wouldn’t wish struggling with
gender conflict on anyone.

Daniel is really affected by the
reactions he gets leaving the house dressed as a woman, a fact that
really angers his daughter. Danielle doesn’t expect universal
acceptance, but she does think people should be tolerant enough to keep
their mouths shut. Danielle reveals that people have called her father a
freak, and she tears up at the recollection. By including Daniel’s
journey, we see how different this transition can be for everyone.

Bra Shopping

Danielle
convinces Ben to come along on the shopping excursion, and he’s less
than thrilled. Still, he shows more maturity than a lot of teenage boys
would in a lingerie store, preferring to hang out on the couch with his
girlfriend while his mom/dad — he alternately refers to Carly as
both — helps Daniel try on bras and corsets.

Get used to it, people. The
quicker we shed our traditional notions of what constitutes masculine
and feminine, the better off we’ll all be. It’s a changing world, and
you can dig your heels in and cling to antiquated ideas or accept that
gender can be a fluid thing.

A Big Decision

Ben is still
adjusting to Carly, and he maybe still hasn’t quite reconciled that
Carly is still his dad. This really comes across when Carly summons her
son to her apartment for a talk. After a few years of transitioning and
trying to be as considerate of others as she could be, Carly is ready to
take the next step and have surgery to make his boy parts, girl parts.
Her words. 

Ben feels like this will mean his dad is officially
gone. He says, “The person that made me will not have the thing that made me.”
Carly responds, “Still me. Still love ya.”

Ben admits to the
camera that somewhere in the back of his mind, he still held out hope
that things would go back to normal. Now there is no going back.

Ben
retreats from everyone at this point, but it’s Ayton to the rescue.
Sometimes, you just need to hang with your bestie. Ayton takes Ben to the
top of a hotel in downtown Chicago and urges him to just scream. Things
just got a whole lot more angsty.

Becoming Us uses Ben’s
photography to reinforce his viewpoint. He also expresses himself
through social media, and there’s an interesting dichotomy in how
disconnected Ben feels about some of the things he’s dealing with and
how he uses modern technology to express his feelings when he’s unable
to do so verbally. Sometimes, we don’t seem to be living our lives unless
we’re tweeting or posting an Instagram picture about it, or filming a
reality TV show.

Becoming Us airs Mondays at 9pm on ABC Family.

(Image courtesy of ABC Family)

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