A network of nastiness

Cyberbullying is a real problem.
Source: The Sunday Telegraph

Sweet, pretty and popular, 14-year-old Dannii Sanders had almost 2000 Facebook friends. Whether or not cyberbullying played a part in her suicide last week, as her friends claim it did and those closest to her deny, it’s clear social networking was a big part of her short life.

And it’s also clear that after her death, a memorial Facebook page in her name was bombarded with vile hate messages and images.

“Deserved it. I (laughed out loud) hard,” one poster wrote. “She can’t read this because she’s dead,” wrote another. We won’t repeat the more depraved comments because that would just provide pleasure to those who create them.

Yes, pleasure.

The normal human reaction to the suicide of a child is a desire to ease the family’s pain, with kind words and sympathy. Yet there are people who lurk on the internet, feeding off the suffering of others.

Whether it is a jealous school acquaintance hiding behind an anonymous post, or one of a growing number of more dangerous people using the net as their personal playground, this toxic sludge is destroying young lives.”I think when you see things like that that are so incredibly distressing it’s easy to lose your faith in humanity entirely,” says former high-school teacher Dannielle Miller, author of The Butterfly Effect.

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While not commenting on the Sanders case, Miller says: “We know one per cent of the community are sociopaths. Unfortunately online we see more of them. They’re incredibly vocal, and the internet is their space.”

As attorneys-general from every state gathered in Adelaide last week to discuss strategies to counter cyberbullying, such as changing privacy laws to allow parents to access their children’s Facebook accounts, experts warn of the difficulties of putting the genie back in the bottle.

But something needs to be done. Would we allow a teenager to be taken to a public square and stoned?

Of course not, but this is effectively what we are allowing to happen on Facebook or Formspring or any number of social-networking sites.

Some young girls, in particular, are being subjected to soul-destroying, misogynistic humiliation and character assassination that would distress even the hardiest adult.

It’s barbarism, unleashing the worst elements of human nature, with no restraints.

“It’s very difficult to attribute (blame) to Facebook for suicide,” says Melbourne adolescent psychologist Michael Carr-Gregg, who is at the forefront of a push to make cyberbullies accountable for their actions, and parents pay more attention to their child’s virtual life.

“But we know that most children who commit suicide have a mental illness and one could argue that the gun is loaded and (cyberbullying) is the trigger.”

The combination of new technology and a teenager’s immature brain have created a “perfect storm”, says Carr-Gregg. “What we know is kids subjected to this kind of bullying are three times more likely to develop depressive symptoms.”Miller says that in the past when bullying or arguments occurred at school, only a few people witnessed them. But on Facebook your humiliation can be seen by millions. It has turbocharged one of the most destructive emotions known to teenage girls – jealousy.

“It’s the old compare-and-despair game that girls have played forever, but now it is being played online,” says Miller.

Where once there was a natural hierarchy in the playground, a “social totem pole” with the alphas or “mean girls” at the top, the internet has enabled the “revenge of the nerds”, who can anonymously undermine the girl who makes them feel worthless all day at school.

“It gives the nerds an avenue to get their revenge which they never had before,” says social media expert Thomas Tudehope, from SR7.

“They are happy to tap into something (nasty) to make it go viral.

“For someone seeking revenge, a character assassination (of their nemesis) on a video or a webpage with 10,000 or 20,000 fans is the ultimate victory.”

The net is a free-for-all for psychopaths (also called sociopaths), the one person in 100 who feels no empathy and has no conscience. Most are male and have been around in every culture since time immemorial.In the real world, while sociopaths are able to give an impression of being normal, they betray themselves with telltale signs obvious to intuitive people or those trained to spot them.

But online no one can tell what they are and they can indulge their putrid activities to their heart’s content, sowing hatred and unhappiness. “One of the difficulties with social media is we have vulnerable young people – many themselves with psychological problems – who are having unrestricted access to other people who have very severe psychiatric problems,” says Carr-Gregg.Cyberbullying suicide is a clarion call for parents to get involved in their children’s activity online, he and Miller agree.

“Parents have their heads in the sand, as if not understanding (how Facebook works) is somehow quaint,” says Miller.

“It’s irresponsible. I wish more parents would see that their teens are doing insane things online.”

No one really knows what drives children to take their lives. Last week Dannii Sanders’ friends were grieving her loss at a memorial service in Sydney’s northwest, where she had lived until moving with her family to the Sunshine Coast in March.

But Miller echoes the comments last week from Lifeline patron John Brogden, when she says ignoring the suicide problem only does more harm.Lifeline: 13 11 14

Kids Help Line: 1800 551 800

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