Bras and Balls

The bra is, perhaps, the rudest item of women’s clothing. If you doubt this, try this simple test: throw a bra at a nine year old boy.

He will react as if he has had a live tarantula launched at his head. He will run, screaming, away from you. He cannot handle the rudeness of bras.

It is with great alacrity then, that I applaud the makers of Bras and Balls. They have guts. They have balls. They’ve made a game about designing the perfect bra – and it’s brilliant in its audacity.

Clam Summers

The game revolves around a prissy mermaid called Eleanora Shellington. She wants a new outfit for the ocean floor’s biggest ball of the year and you have to design it. If you think that sounds easy (I mean, a bra’s not exactly a floor length Galliano gown, right?) guess again.

Making the perfect lingerie will require a potent mix of perseverance, creativity, and aquatic knowledge.

You assemble your bra out of the sea life available to you, but each creature you choose comes with a question. If you don’t know whether the nautilus shell spiral is Archimedean or equiangular, you’re in trouble. Seriously.

Once you deduce the right answer (cough that suspiciously sounds like “Google”) you can take your desired creature from the wardrobe and affix it to your bra.

When you’ve done this three times for the straps and cups, you can then go to the ball whereupon your attire will be scrutinised by the attending guests. Badges will be awarded for how well you answered questions and how accomplished your lingerie creation is.

Part quiz, part puzzle, part sassy comedy, Bras and Balls is bursting with character. Its tongue is wedged firmly in its cheek, leading to lines like “The seahorse was a beautiful addition to your wardrobe, but something in its distant, suffering gaze gave us an odd feeling it had seen some s****”.

The game’s personality makes it one of the most memorable releases of recent months, a fact compounded by its simply stunning art style.

Bras and Balls looks as exquisite as the masterpieces it wants you to design – its seemingly hand drawn aesthetic oozes class and sophistication.

But whilst the game’s wit, originality and design will dazzle, a few blemishes remain. For example, once you win your badges there is no way for you to collect them or view them later.

An achievement section with details on how exactly to win each badge would rectify this and boost replayability.

I’d settle for a boobie prize

It’d also be nice to actually see the bra you design. Currently players only observe guest’s reactions to their lingerie creation – an ability to save past garments in an ostensible “look book” would give the game more of a purpose.

It all means that each time you make a bra it feels like pot luck whether it’s a success or not, and since there’s no real obvious reward system, after a while gameplay can become repetitive.

Still, these are flaws that can be easily tailored in a new update. For people who’ve never worn a bra before – men, children, animals, Agyness Deyn – it is almost impossible to describe the sheer, raw pleasure that comes with choosing your lingerie for the day.

Bras and Balls is the first game to open up this experience to the uninitiated. And for that it is wonderful.

Share and Enjoy