Grinch Christmas: Lingerie is a perilous gift

About to buy lingerie for that special lady in your life? You may be making a terrible mistake.

The holiday season is second only to Valentine’s Day in the level of pressure it puts on straight men to dazzle their partners with the perfect gift. Anything less, they’re meant to believe, means they’re inconsiderate and unromantic.

A lacy, silky something-or-other, therefore, sounds like the ideal gift. In reality, it can be a recipe for embarrassment, hurt feelings and awkward trips back to the store.

Women trek in after Christmas to return unwanted gifts “all the time,” says Nikki Muir, the head of the clothing department of adult store Seduction, on Yonge St. near Wellesley St. “It’s either the wrong size or it’s just not quite right.”

Men often step into adult stores and lingerie shops without much more than a vague idea of what size their girlfriend or wife may be.

“Men always tend to say, ‘She’s about your size,’” says Muir, who attempts to guide male partners through Seduction’s cavernous upper floor of hot pink thongs, black garters and blue vinyl lady cop uniforms. But well-meaning men typically underestimate their partners’ true sizes.

“Most of the items here, they tend to fit quite small,” explains Muir, saying she often helps women exchange clothing for a larger size — or something completely different.

“What comes to mind is when men get her a 32b (bra) and she’s so far from that,” says Anita Owen, co-owner of Tryst lingerie boutique. “He looks in her drawer and sees different sizes, and he goes with one.”

It has driven many lingerie boutiques to adopt special return policies for holiday gifts.

“For the full year when it’s not Valentines Day or Christmas, we don’t accept any returns on anything below the waist,” says Jennifer Klein, owner of Bloor West boutique Secrets From Your Sister. They make an exception on holidays, however — for good reason.

“Some of our underwear is over $100,” she says. “You don’t want to have it not fit.”

Klein emphasizes to gift-buyers, however, that women must try panties on over other clothing in order for them to accept exchanges.

“Every year there are certain incidents that happen where you think, I had no idea someone would even try that,” she says. “To the point where (they say), “I’ve worn this for six months or more and you should be taking it back.’”

And about those, er, special items a man might purchase for his lady, perhaps after reading a copy of Maxim? Many close-fitting erotic outfits, Klein says, are final sale, for obvious health reasons.

“Certain things you can’t return,” she explains. “More racy thongs, extremely expensive erotic wear made of elastic bands, or mesh. . . . Or, our silk panties slit through the middle.”

Too bad for the gentleman who might have the wrong idea about what apparel turns his partner on.

Both Tryst and Secrets From Your Sister have adopted one solution: the wish list. Women leave a list of undies they desire at their favourite store, and their partners can choose the one they like best, secure in the knowledge that hey, it will actually fit.

Klein doesn’t discourage men from braving the lingerie store, however. In fact, she feels women who receive that size extra-small thong should look past her teeny, unsuitable gift at the thought that spurred it on.

“It’s a wonderful step for someone to buy an intimate gift for another person,” she says. “I think it’s important for women to stop and look at the gift and say someone got them some lingerie for a reason. They may be saying, “I love you no matter what and want to have some fun with you.’” Women might think to themselves, “‘No, this isn’t something that is my style, no I’m not into leather or patent leather, but my partner wants us to have some fun and maybe I’ll indulge him for a bit.”

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