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They used to say that on the internet nobody knows you are a dog.
Now everyone knows you are a dog, is totally cool with it, and cheerfully retweets your hilarious story about what that obnoxious pooch from number 65 said when you saw her on the way to the vet. This we call progress, apparently.
Bubbles finally had enough of Facebook and decided to jump ship to Google+Photo: Shutterstock
Gone are the days when a juicy bone was reward enough for man’s best friend – pet owners are now creating Facebook and Twitter profiles for their furry companions.
According to a survey by John Lewis Pet Insurance, one in six hilarious, archly postmodern 25- to 34-year-olds has given their hound or moggy an online profile, and one in 10 pet owners in the South East has made sure their furry friends are now self-facilitating media nodes.
Fortunately, some sanity seems to prevail north of the border, where only one per cent of Scots have succumbed to giving Tiddles a social media debut.
To be honest, this is all sounding a little bizarre – one of those stories that illustrate our slide into digital idiocy. Then again, maybe it’s just a larf, the 21st-century version of that bit on That’s Life where the dog says “sausages”. Either way, the Round-Up still finds this all deeply, deeply disturbing.
And unless your furry friend is an actual celebrity, who really cares what you think they think? And even if people do care, how can you be sure you are translating correctly?
For when you tweet from Jasper the cat’s account saying, “I love my mistress because she brings me a lovely dinner”, you might be disappointed to find out Jasper is really thinking, “Why have you brought me tuna again? I demand the finest quality salmon.”
Talking of fish, there are plenty of goldfish on Facebook – favourite book: Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea, favourite film: Finding Nemo, activities and interests: swimming, staring and forgetting.
If you’re looking for a metaphor for the madness of our every increasing reliance on social media, a goldfish posting on Facebook is a pretty good one.
Social networks a no-no at work
Given this general descent into stupidity it’s perhaps unsurprising that two-thirds of UK workers think social networking sites should be banned in the office.
The other third were presumably too busy to respond to the pollsters because they were updating Ginger’s Facebook status to “coughing up a hairball”.
Some new research by reed.co.uk revealed that a forward-thinking 28 per cent of businesses have banned employees from browsing social networking sites during work hours, while 40 per cent offer limited access.
That compares to a crazy 35 per cent of firms that have the anything-goes, let-your-hair-down attitude of giving employees full access to the internet, which frankly will only end in tears and regular updates from Fido the dog.
The survey of 4,245 workers across the UK revealed that on average one in three employees access Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn or other social networking sites while at work.
Which probably means the two-thirds who want social media banned are…
