Sullivan | FIFA follies make easiest of targets – The Courier

If you’re programming for the testosterone demographic, “Men In Blazers” is probably not as catchy a title as, say, “Women In Lingerie,” but the NBCSN soccer show’s co-host has provided us with the most vivid image of embattled FIFA President Sepp Blatter.

“He’s part James Bond baddie, part Mayor Daley-style machine politician writ large,” Roger Bennett told the New York Times.

There were so many colorful comments about FIFA’s culture of corruption this week, You Can Say That Again struggled to narrow the field of quotable quips. A week rich in scandalous headlines, capped by a tone-deaf election in which the 79-year-old Blatter won a fifth term, came as a second Christmas for pundits worldwide. It provided priceless material for the likes of John Oliver and Jon Stewart, roused the America-phobic indignation of Russian President Vladimir Putin — talk about your Bond villains — and prompted The Guardian’s Marina Hyde to provide crucial context for soccer-phobic Americans such as ourselves.

Calling Blatter, “The most successful non-homicidal dictator of the past century — certainly since Marshal Tito,” Hyde was also among those who heard echoes of Richard Nixon in his not-a-crook narrative.

“Decades on, those coming fresh to the Watergate legend are often surprised to learn that Nixon still won by one of the largest landslides in American political history,” she wrote. “And so to (Friday’s) presidential re-election in Zurich, which produced a result that new converts to FIFA-watching may find puzzling, given what we know. A president brazened it out, having dismissed any untoward activity by his underlings as nothing to do with him.”

To suggest “The Beautiful Game” has lately acquired a matching set of black eyes is to imagine that the people who pay close attention ever imagined it to be innocent. Complaints about FIFA’s corruption — so obvious in the awarding of World Cups to places as ill-suited as Qatar — are of long-standing and little impact.

Yet as FIFA insiders strive to cut deals with prosecutors by incriminating others, Blatter’s ability to insulate himself from the bribery and money-laundering beneath him could be sorely tested. That the FIFA electorate would grant him another term under these circumstances is a sign of just how much heavy lifting is left for the world’s most popular sport.

“If Mr. Blatter were minimally concerned about football, he would have given up the re-election,” said Portugal’s Luis Figo, a former FIFA presidential candidate. “”If he has a minimal of decency, he will resign in the next few days.”

While we’re holding our breath on soccer’s leadership to develop a sense of shame, here follow the week’s Top 10 sports quotes:

10. Ruben Amaro Jr., Philadelphia Phillies general manager, on impatient fans: “They don’t understand the game. They don’t understand the process. There’s a process. And then they bitch and complain because we don’t have a plan. There’s a plan in place and we’re sticking with the plan. We can’t do what’s best for the fan. We have to do what’s best for the organization so the fan can reap the benefit of it later on. That’s the truth.” (CSNPhilly.com)

9. Rich Rodriguez, University of Arizona football coach, on NCAA cost-of-attendance stipends: “There are some SEC schools that have a really high cost of attendance, even though they’re in a relatively small town. So I’d like to see the formula that they’re coming up with. … That’s a frontier that has some coaches concerned. I’m not going to bitch too much about it because it’s still extra money for the student-athlete.” (CBS Sports.com)

8. John Madden, Hall of Fame NFL coach, on innovation: “You know those gloves receivers wear? It’s making it very easy to catch a ball. You see more one-handed catches where guys are pushing off with the other hand. No one looks at those gloves. I saw them when I was at a meeting in Indy. They passed them around and somebody made the comment that, ‘Pretty soon, these gloves are going to be able to catch a ball without a hand in them.’” (Los Angeles Times)

7. Chris Mullin, St. John’s head basketball coach, on placing his reputation at risk: “So as far as the legacy thing, this is the first time I’m coaching. I’m starting a new career and if it doesn’t go well I don’t think they’ll take me out of the Hall of Fame as a player.” (CBS sports.com)

6. Mike Slive, retiring Southeastern Conference commissioner, on the league’s changing attitude about compliance: “If somebody, like a booster, breaks a rule then our schools are now very quick to move away from that individual. When things happen — and they will — the way our schools handle it has changed. We knew we couldn’t be the best league that we could possibly be if we didn’t change.” (SEC.com)

5. James Harden, Houston Rockets guard, on his record-setting 13 turnovers against Golden State Warriors: “I put so much pressure on myself to be really good every single night. And in some cases, you’re not going to do that. You’re not going to be good. Tonight was a case.” (Post-game interview)

4. Max Scherzer, Washington Nationals pitcher, on teammate Bryce Harper: “Bryce is a better hitter now than he was even at the beginning of the season. When you start to see him use the opposite field with power, that’s the kind of elite stuff I saw in Detroit (with Miguel Cabrera). The scary part is he still has room for improvement. It’s like he’s starting to understand the game at a higher level.” (ESPN.com)

3. Bill Laimbeer, basketball provocateur, choosing between LeBron James and Michael Jordan: “There’s no question I would take LeBron James. He can do more. Michael Jordan could score and make big shots and look spectacular at times with wild flying dunks, but LeBron can get you 18 rebounds, get you 15 assists or score 50 if he wants to. The triple threat that he poses is just phenomenal, and the size, he just physically dominates.” (Dan Patrick Show)

2. Richard Weber, Internal Revenue Service criminal investigation division, on FIFA: “This really is the World Cup of fraud, and today we are issuing FIFA a red card.” (Press conference)

1. Sepp Blatter, FIFA President, upon his reelection: “We will take our boat back into calmer water and take the FIFA ship back into tranquility and happiness. … The fallout of this storm is still here. It hasn’t attained hurricane strength but it has been strong.” (Acceptance speech)

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